


Cassadaga

by deadonarrival



Series: The Devil's Chair [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Escorts, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Escort Service, Explicit Consent, Light BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-06-10 08:54:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6949486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadonarrival/pseuds/deadonarrival
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo is just your average rent boy - working inside a small 'company' he's trying to pay his way through grad school while simultaneously dodging his parents and any kind of attachment. Except one day he's handed a client that seems to see right through him, and all those carefully constructed walls start cracking. But falling for Hux has a price - a very tangible one - and Kylo isn't sure it's something he can afford. </p><p>Especially when his past collides rather untidily into his present. </p><p>And Hux? He's just trying to make a life for himself 3,000 miles away from his former self. But does distance make any difference? </p><p>****</p><p>“I have certain… proclivities” </p><p>“And you’re afraid I’m going to laugh at you for them?” Ren asks, stretching back on the chaise lounge that stands at the end of the bed. He knows how he looks, and is acutely aware of exactly where to place his limbs so that he looks as inviting as possible. </p><p>Hux’s breathing hitches. </p><p>“Something like that.” </p><p>“I’m a professional… nothing can shock me.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [disbitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/disbitch/gifts).



> This was supposed to be a one shot. But then I tripped and all these goddamn words happened. 
> 
> So here we are with a fic about how Hux hires a rent boy per Phasma's suggestion, except after a few of these casual hook ups, Ren starts opening up to him and he catches himself not just passing on the same old fake small talk - something about Hux is trustworthy, something dangerous in Kylo's line of work.

Urges. That’s all they are - he’s lonely and he wants to get laid. The breakup is still weighing on him in this way - because he knows his ex moved on, is really moved on actually - moved right in with Mr. Replacement. Hux wanted to think that it was a rebound but then they bought a dog together and that was it. He started applying for jobs on the east coast and just didn’t look back. 

“General - there’s a stack of papers on your desk that need a quick once over,” his PA says, catching up to walk in step with him as he moves towards a board room meeting across the campus. 

“Are these the new reports out of R&D?” he asks, checking his watch to see if he has time to stop and pick them up but he really doesn’t. 

“They are… and a little something extra - a new product prototype, just came out of the lab.” Jess looks excited which means she probably flipped through the schematics and saw something she liked. 

Hux sighs, “you can sit down with me when I go over it later, alright? I could probably use a second set of eyes on the new stuff they’re spitting out over there.” 

“Thank you kindly sir~” she gives him a jaunty salute to which he rolls his eyes and then he’s stepping into the meeting, everyone present raising out of their seats to greet him. 

****

By 3:30 he’s flagging and Jess drops into the chair across from him sliding a venti Americano into his line of sight and he almost sobs at its presence. 

“You’ve really been killing yourself this week - everything okay?” 

Hux shrugs, “Just a lot going on at once, you’re well aware as you schedule the meetings, but I could do with a vacation.” Which he says but doesn't mean. The last time he took a vacation was his honeymoon and that hadn't even been entirely his idea - he was sort of forced into it and to this day he has a deep and abiding hatred for Las Vegas. 

“You’ve got some free time in a month,” Jess says, tapping at her iPad calendar and giving Hux a hopeful look. 

“That’s right after the trip to Tokyo, though, isn’t it?” he plays along, but there's no real attention in the thing.

“It is - maybe you could just jump from there to like, Fiji or something before coming home.” 

It’s a bold bid, and she knows he won’t take it but he appreciates that she's willing to put the offer out there. She's an attentive kid, and too damn smart for her own good sometimes. 

“Yeah… I don’t think so…alright - prototype time?” 

Jess claps and sets her iPad down to reach for the file, giddily pulling out the papers and spilling them over Hux’s desk. 

****

It's around 9 as Hux paces through his apartment, chatting on the phone to his friend, pretending that there's something he might need to be working on or catching up with but he knows he's on top of everything... still, it he keeps moving then he doesn't have to think about the real issues.

“I think you just need to get laid.” 

Hux almost drops the phone, “Excuse me, that would imply that I’m not currently getting laid.” 

“Which you aren’t, because if you were - you wouldn’t be so tightly wound.” 

Hux sighs and slumps onto his couch with a frown, “yeah… yeah I guess…” 

“Do they really call you The General at work?” 

“Yes, they really do,” Hux rolls his eyes, “it’s because of how hard I work - and because apparently they think I’m a perfectionist.” 

There’s a snort from the other end of the line, “it’s just a distraction from your current situation.” 

“Maybe it is, but they don’t know that and I’m not going to correct them.” 

There’s a pause in the conversation as Hux sips his glass of wine before he hears, “back to the real situation - you getting laid.” 

“PHAS!” 

“Listen - I have a number, I want you to write it down and I want you to give them a call. Trust me when I say… they’ll have whatever you want.” 

Hux starts to protest but Phas cuts him off with a chiding, 'uh-uh-uh' and Hux knows she's going to follow up about this. He doesn't have a choice.

“Is this … legal?” Hux asks, lowering his voice as if someone in the apartment there might be listening. 

“Strictly speaking? No. But it’s also not exactly regulated trade and when you go with an expert they know how to work outside certain limitations.” 

Hux looks down where he’s written the number on a Burger King napkin and bites his lip. “So I call and then…?” 

“They’ll tell you the rest. From what I remember they have an extensive inventory, something for everyone.” Phas is tapping a pen against her desk, Hux can hear it through the phone. 

“Why are you still at work?” 

“It’s 6pm here - PST.” 

“Christ…” Hux scrubs a hand over his face and shakes his head, “when am I going to poach you for my current office?” 

“When you can pay me as much as I’m making in your old position.” 

Hux rolls his eyes but smiles because he’d set that up - transitioning out of his old role and leaving space for Phas to step into his former position. It had been a big win for the company - promotion from within, and a woman, no less. Hux had felt a sense of relief almost at leaving - he knew shit would get done in his absence. Yet here he was still relying on her expertise. 

“Just call, alright? I use them sometimes when I travel on business and need a last minute date.” 

“That’s new and insightful information.” 

“Hang up with me so you can ring them already - you’re a pain in my ass when you’re like this.” 

She doesn’t bother with a good bye - just drops the call and Hux snorts a laugh. He likes her in a senior management role - she’s much snappier than she was as his assistant VP. Knowing that he’s stalling, he takes his phone out and dials the number because he doesn’t want Phas to call back in ten minutes calling him a chickenshit. Though, it wouldn't be the first time. 

A pleasant, older, female voice answers after the third ring with a simple, “hello, how can we help you?” 

“Ah.. yes, I .. my colleague gave me this number?” He pitches his voice slightly at the end, hand shaking because what if this is a set up? Not that Phas would set him up but .. what if it’s the wrong number or some kind of sting or - 

“I see, a direct referral. We’re very discreet so even if you mention who it was that sent you, I cannot confirm his or her patronage, however we do go on your word.” 

“Thank you - that’s… thank you.” 

“Is this your first time calling to set up an appointment?” 

“It is. I’m looking for-“

“I’m going to email you a survey, after you’ve gone through your preferences, we will match you with the most suitable candidate.” 

“Oh. That… alright.” 

Hux passes on his secondary email address and a few other details and then it’s over. This painless little transaction. 

Of course he’s a nervous wreck waiting for the survey to come through, thinking it’s going to be a subpoena to testify against a prostitution ring that he’s only just been introduced to but when it arrives, it’s a simple pdf for him to fill out and return to a nondescript email account. 

It takes him a half a bottle of wine before he gets up the nerve to start answering the questions. In fact by the time he’s checking off a section titled ‘preferences: looks’ he’s just sipping the last of the wine directly out of the bottle and squinting to make out the blurry words on the screen. 

“Yeah, taller, definitely taller…” he sits back and reads the other descriptions through a slight haze and then clicks the next few boxes and signs off before returning it with a garbled “HERE yOu gO” 

**** 

He wakes up to his alarm going off at max volume and he feels a vague sense of regret. Face down on the top of his mattress with his clothes still on from the day before and his mouth feels like it’s stuffed with cotton. 

Hux slaps his alarm into the off mode and peels himself up to go shower. There’s part of him that knows he did something last night .. something that he should remember, something that seems like it was important? He’s running the soap over his body under the too-hot spray of the shower when it finally hits him. 

The escort. 

Shit. 

Scrambling out of the shower, he stumbles, dripping wet to his laptop, frantically drying his hand and arm enough for water not to seep down into the keyboard. 

“Shit… shit shit _shIT_ ” 

There it is in his sent folder and it already has a response. Fuck they must be open 24 hours or s— of COURSE they’re open 24 hours, they’re a goddamn whorehouse. What was he thinking? What was he - why did he let Phas trick him into this, this is the worst, THE worst idea he has ever…. oh. 

_Oh._

There’s a photo attached to the email and a list of availability. Oh no there are … several… photos attached to the email. Hux pauses mid panic attack and just stares. Jesus, wow, that’s who they’re hooking him up with? His brain screeches to a halt and all he can think of is ‘yes’ - but when the squeaking gears begin turning again, he sees an open availability on Friday night that he blindly submits a request for. 

Hitting send before he can back out. 

By lunch time he has a confirmation and a set of instructions for payment and it’s all so polite and formal he feels like he’s making a doctor’s appointment. 

Of course when Friday rolls around, he’s back to being in full-on panic mode. He tells Jess he has a blind date set up by a friend and she sneaks him a few tumblers of bourbon before he leaves just so he stops acting so damn jumpy. 

“God this is worse than that time you got lost in the underground tunnels at MIT.” 

“First of all, they aren’t clearly labeled, and secondly there was a door that said laser in use and someone was screaming.” 

Jess just shakes her head because she’s pretty certain at least part of that story was fabricated. “Just go. Go and do not check your email until Monday morning.” 

“Okay maybe once on — “ 

“No, in fact - _you_ \- give me that I know you have a personal phone give me your work phone,” she holds out her hand until his iPhone drops into it and then she’s smirking and pointing towards the door. “Have a nice weekend, General.” 

“Get fucked,” he mutters, hearing Jess laughing in the background as the elevator swallows him down to curbside. 

****

Hux had picked the restaurant, just an anonymously high-end Back Bay place where he can expect that no one will know him or ask questions. The hostess greets him with a cheerful smile and when he gives his name, it widens a bit. 

“Oh, your dining companion is already here.” 

“Ah - oh. Alright, and I thought I was early…” 

She giggles and invites Hux to follow her through the dimly lit tables until there’s one near the back that oozes seclusion, and at the sight of the back of his date’s head, his stomach promptly vacates to his shoes. 

“Here you are, Sir - your date.” She lays out a menu at Hux’s spot and he slides into his side of the horseshoe booth trying to avert his eyes until he can tell it’s obvious that he’s trying to buy himself time. 

“Hello,” Hux addresses this to his lap and then looks up, arrested by the casual half-smile that his date has ready for him. 

“I was about to reach over and tip your chin up for you - are you normally this shy?” 

“N-no I’m usually the one setting up the dates and not — well this, no offense. This is the first time I’ve done this.” 

His date smirks, “well, lucky for you I’m fairly experienced. You can call me Ren, and how should I address you?” 

It’s a loaded question and Hux bites his lip in thought. “Uhm, my name is Brendol but it’s an abomination of a name … Bren? Hux? Everyone calls me by my last name…” 

“I’ll just stick to Hux for now… otherwise it might get confusing when I have you shouting my name later.” He says it in such a benign way that Hux almost doesn’t notice exactly what it is he’s saying until the words are fully out of his mouth and then Hux is going red to the ears. 

“You blush, that’s attractive.” 

Hux pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head, “don’t get used to it.” 

“Well now I’m making it a goal.” 

He’s unbearably attractive - the awkward features that he probably had to grow into look handsome on a tall, wide-set frame and the shaggy hair just seems to cry out ‘pull me’… which Hux assumes he’ll be able to do later. Or whenever. Maybe right now if he asked nicely. I mean after all he paid for the transaction… but only if Ren is interested in it, honestly. 

“You look a little lost in your own head over there,” Ren comments, slouching back in the booth and reaching up to loosen his shirt collar a little further.

“I don’t know how this works..” Hux admits. 

Ren takes some pity on him and leans forward a little. “Let’s start with the basics, then, hm?” 

“We work on a credits system. You pre purchase the credits through the app and each date debits them out of your digital wallet. You can choose to tip more credits if you receive… exceptional service. If you’re enjoying drinks, we can go on to dinner or we can just skip straight to dessert. When we’re somewhere more private, we can negotiate just what you want me to do to you… or what you want to do to me.” 

Ren gives him a slow, even look and Hux swallows, thoughts already running through his mind about just what those things could be. It's a little heady to have that much power and the way Ren looks at him, well, he's pretty sure Ren knows exactly what he's thinking. 

“How did you get into this?” he asks abruptly, hoping it breaks the tension he feels.

Ren smiles, “I didn’t want to take out loans for grad school.” 

Hux lets out the breath he was holding and then feels like it’s being forcibly punched back in when Ren leans over the table and says in a much lower voice, “and I just love sex.. so why not get paid for it.” 

“Christ…” 

“No, I’m not terribly religious.” 

Hux drinks the rest of his wine in one gulp and feels like a virgin all over again which is a singularly awkward experience, considering. 

“And you, how did you get into this?” Ren is teasing - the smile on his face half serious and half knowing as he sips his whisky and stares at Hux like he can read his mind. 

“I needed a distraction from work … and my divorce.” 

Ren’s eyebrow goes up as he swallows, “you look too young to be divorced.” 

“It wasn’t a very long marriage, and completely ill-advised.” 

“I see, is this a revenge thing? I could get into that … send some naughty pictures to your ex to show her what a good time you’re having.” 

“Him.” 

“Hm?” Ren’s finger is tracing the rim of his glass, blinking slowly as he forces Hux to repeat himself. 

“Him. It’s an ex husband. We didn’t have … well.. we didn’t have the same life goals I guess you could say. He’s apparently much happier now with his new boyfriend and their Golden Retriever, BB.” 

He doesn’t mean to sound quite so bitter, but they’d tried to do the amicable thing and stayed friends on Facebook and it’s not like he didn’t notice the series of delighted notifications about Finn’s life post-break-up. Alright and maybe he’d done a little stalking to find all the gritty details while chugging vodka tonics and listening to Wilco. 

“Doesn’t change the question - did you want revenge? Or is this just for you?” 

Hux pauses because he kind of.. well he thought that this was for him but he was doing it because he didn’t want to be so far behind in the break up. But now that he’s sitting in front of this _specimen_ it’s hard to think about getting back at Finn, hard to think of anything other than getting fucked so hard he forgets there was ever anyone else in his life. 

“Maybe this time can just be for me.” 

“Then pay the check and lets go back to your place.” He’s so sure, so confident that Hux can’t help but pause and give him a look. 

“Why do you think we’ll go back to my place?” 

It was probably just what Ren wanted him to ask the way he smiles when he starts to answer. “Because you live alone, just got divorced, enjoy control… you want it on your terms in a place where you can tell me to leave when you’re done or if it becomes too much… you’re a man who has very specific tastes - I read your profile. I know exactly what you want and expect, Brendol—“

“Well I hate being-“ 

“I know you do. But I know you’ll fuck like a minx if I get you riled up a little.” 

Hux’s body is torn between incinerating on the spot or immediate exsanguination. He pulls out a handful of cash and leaves it on the table before standing up and not even bothering to look at a final bill. He knows he put down enough to cover all of it _and_ a generous tip.

“Come on then.” His voice is low and rough and some of the nerves seem to have skittered off to be replaced by a slow-building heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My best friend decided to start sending me Kylux fics and in the process of us passing recommendations back and forth I went from sitting on the edge of the dumpster to rifling around through the trash gleefully covering myself in garbage. So thanks, becky with the good hair.
> 
> Also the next chapter is smut. It's already written, just being cleaned up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This part has explicit sex. If you'd like to know the full extent before reading, please see chapter notes at the end. I will try to be as comprehensive as possible to avoid triggers - if you notice I've forgotten something, PLEASE let me know. I'm so happy to help aight. I tried not to tag everything in the full fic - but will be doing this chapter by chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOOD LUCK. In the words of my bff "dey fuck"

The cab ride is suitably uneventful, except for the part where Ren’s hand ends up on Hux’s thigh and Hux has to do that count-to-ten-and-breathe-deep thing that his therapist taught him to do when he was getting too anxious about things. Except this isn’t an anxious feeling this is an all-consuming fire that is licking it’s way from the inside out. 

When they’re at his building, the cab driver turns and starts to talk, but Hux cuts him off with a “hello thank you, cash. Goodbye.” and just hands over some twenties that he’s pretty sure comprise a gross overpayment. 

Ren snorts and follows him out, looking casual as can be as they make it into an elevator and Hux punches the button for the top floor. 

“Penthouse?” Ren asks, leaning against the handrail and just watching Hux fidget. 

“I’m not quite that important…” 

“But still one hell of a view, have you ever had sex against the windows?” 

Hux presses his forehead to the industrial brushed steel elevator wall and closes his eyes against the riot of thoughts inside him that are dying to yell ‘no but wOULD YOU LIKE TO?’ He manages a weak “not yet” and as the elevator doors open, Ren touches a hand to his lower back and leans in close to his ear to whisper, “put that on the to-do list.” 

Through an act of God, Hux manages to get them inside of his loft before he does anything embarrassing like collapse or start begging to get fucked immediately. He has more self-control than that… somewhere - very deep down. But when Hux turns from locking the door, his higher functions shut all the way down as Ren shrugs out of his jacket, tossing it out of the way so that he can roll his shirt sleeves up to his elbows. He encroaches on Hux like he’s stalking prey and when he’s within reach, his fingers are wrapping around Hux’s tie, tugging him forward until they’re standing with their chests almost touching. 

“I’m going to kiss you now, alright?” 

Hux just nods, his face turned up and giving Ren a dazed look. It’s the first time since his divorce that someone’s touched him like this and he thinks it’s a bad idea that he’s already desperate for more. It doesn’t help that Ren is using his tie like a leash, forcing his head up just slightly so that Ren can kiss him. It’s not spectacular, it’s not earth shattering, it’s completely fucking normal and that’s what makes it devastating. Just a soft brush of their lips together and Hux’s eyes are closing and his body is curving into Ren’s. 

There’s a hand on his back, supporting his weight as Ren deepens it - uses his tongue to trace along the seam of Hux’s mouth and Hux opens on command - angling his head to the side, their noses bumping and then Ren is kissing him. Deep sweeping touches that have Hux moaning and curling further into Ren’s arms, the hand with the tie carding into his hair and fuck. Fuck he is so done - he is so far gone into this. But his hands? Where does he - can he touch? Or is it like a strip club? Should he stop to ask? If he stops to ask will Ren stop completely? Is this a very corporeal hallucination? 

Ren pulls away enough to smile and tug playfully at Hux’s tie to get his attention, “You’re overthinking it.” 

Hux huffs out what is probably a laugh but sounds wheezier with his heightened arousal, “It’s.. been awhile. I’m out of practice… I don’t know where to put my hands and.. I ..” 

“Then how about tonight, why don’t you let me handle things?” 

“Ah - I’m not-“ 

“I know you like being in control, but maybe letting go for one evening could prove to be the better option. I won’t do anything you don’t want to do and if you say stop… I stop. No questions asked.” 

Hux is searching his face as if he can tell whether or not he’s lying just by one look. It’s not that he has a problem letting go, well maybe a little one. 

“Can I - I need a minute, I’m — here, bedroom - you can make yourself comfortable I’m just going to step in the —“ 

Ren kisses him again, softer this time, right at his temple, “take your time.” 

It’s disgusting that it almost makes Hux hyperventilate. He leads Ren into his bedroom and then disappears into the washroom, shutting the door behind himself and bending to shove his face into the sink. If he thought he could get away with it, he’d just scream and let the tension out but he’s fairly certain that will draw unwanted attention. 

He’s half in shock that he went through with booking an escort and half demanding to know why the fuck he can’t just get out there and do this. He wants to get laid so badly - christ he feels like he hasn’t gotten off in months - he has, but it’s been his hand and that one memorable night he used a fleshlight someone had given him as a gag gift. …. never again. But this? having someone else touch him… he isn’t sure he’s ready. 

Which he has every intention of telling Ren when he opens the door again… but Ren is laying on the chaise lounge at the end of Hux’s bed and Hux is .. fairly certain he was just palming himself through his slacks. 

“Fuck…” 

Hux walks around to where Ren is and stares down at him, trying to find an excuse. Any excuse that will work. 

"I have certain… proclivities,” he tries. 

“And you’re afraid I’m going to laugh at you for them?” Ren asks, stretching back on the chaise lounge. He knows how he looks, and is acutely aware of exactly where to place his limbs so that it looks as inviting as possible. 

Hux’s breathing hitches. 

“Something like that.” 

“I’m a professional… nothing can shock me.” 

It shouldn’t make his knees feel shaky, but it does. The authority in Ren’s voice as he says it, that he knows just what Hux wants. He’s slowly pushing himself to sitting, holding out one hand and beckoning Hux forward with just a finger until Hux is standing between Ren’s spread legs and looking down at him. Big hands come up to rest on his hips, sliding back to cup his ass gently and then they’re dipping lower, burning through the fabric at the back of Hux’s thighs. 

If Hux thought it was hard to breathe before, it’s nothing compared to now - looking down at Ren’s face, this expression of bemusement and something more. 

“I read your file, remember?” Ren says, fingers digging in just slightly. 

“You must have a very good memory.” 

“When it’s about something I’m interested in, I do.” His face is perilously close to the front of Hux’s trousers and when he pulls slightly, Hux goes, feeling long fingers trace at his inseam and — that’s — that’s the look on Ren’s face. Hunger. 

“Oh-“ 

“But I won’t break out the restraints tonight.” 

“-Fuck.” 

He pulls and Hux goes - slowly - letting himself be positioned like a doll, straddling Ren’s lap and being dragged into another filthy kiss. There’s no teasing this time, just Ren’s mouth on his, nothing but demanding until he has Hux moaning into it and rocking his hips forward, his mind blessedly blank. It’s more than what he paid for honestly, he just wanted a good lay, but forgetting for even five minutes how shit the past year has been, ten out of ten, would do again. 

Ren pulls his mouth away with a wet sound and Hux makes a little disappointed whine in the back of his throat until he feels Ren kissing along his jaw and down to his neck. 

“I want to take your clothes off now - think you can handle that?” His voice is rough with arousal and Hux is pretty sure if he speaks it’s going to sound like he’s going through puberty again. 

“Yeah - sh-should I help?”

“No, I want to do it myself,” Ren insists, pushing at Hux to get him to stand so that he can start to strip him, slowly, layer by layer until Hux is naked in front of him. It should make Hux feel uncomfortable - exposed - but all he can focus on is the way that Ren looks at him, and the subtle feeling of dominance at Ren being still fully clothed. Hux feels smaller, especially when Ren stands up and runs his hands reverently over his body, guiding Hux’s fingers to his shirt buttons - watching with vested interest when Hux’s hands shake on each and every one of them. 

When the last button slips free, Ren pushes his shirt off and drops it to the floor before he brings Hux’s hands back to the waistband of his trousers. 

“Do you mind?” Ren asks. 

“No— no not at fucking _all_.” 

Hux fumbles with the button and the zipper and his mouth almost waters when he can see the outline of Ren’s cock straining against the front of his briefs. It takes a lot of self control not to say something completely stupid, and thankfully Ren doesn’t push him for words, instead he just pulls him around to the bed, nudging him down on top of the covers and climbing on top of him. 

It’s moving too slow and too fast at the same time - Hux wants him everywhere at once but he wants it to last. He tries to start blanking out again - trying to let Ren take control, to let him lead this whole thing but it’s almost like Hux can’t stop himself from interfering. Up until Ren’s kisses turn from light and searching to something more demanding and intense. It’s exactly what Hux needs, needs to get out of his own head, needs to forget and just be taken care of. 

"Where can I touch you," Hux pants, fingers digging in at Rens shoulders, feeling muscle bunch under them. Fuck he's really turned on.

"Anywhere you want until I restrain you," Ren half-growls and Hux can feel the heat rising into his face again. 

"I thought you weren't going to restrain me."

Ren chuckles, low and dark - mouthing up Hux's throat, “I said I wouldn’t use restraints… and I don't need restraints to hold you down." 

Letting out a shaking breath, Hux just nods stupidly - his lust addled brain not even able to form words. 

"I'll use my hands," Ren murmurs, the appendages in question currently occupied with cupping and spreading Hux's ass. "Pin your wrists over your head, watch you take it." 

The way he pauses on and enunciates certain words and letters makes Hux moan - he practically bites off the letter T like its offended him and Hux feels the tiny reverb of the letter against Ren's lips where they're pressed into his collar bone. 

“Is that what you want?” Ren asks, his teeth grazing Hux’s over-sensitive skin and Hux just nods before half-growling a ‘yes.’ 

He’s losing his control, letting Ren take what he wants and it should scare the shit out of him that he’s letting this happen but lube slick fingers at his hole distract him from whatever half-assed thoughts he was trying to form. Instead he’s rocking his hips down and trying to get it faster. 

“Eager?” Ren asks, slipping one finger in and Hux can tell he’s watching his face - gauging his reactions and responses. No matter how cocky and overly sure he seems, he’s completely considerate and it might be more of a turn on than the second finger already sliding in alongside the first. 

He’s pumping them in and out - slow and easy, curving them occasionally to try and find Hux’s prostate until Hux is arching his back off the bed, legs falling open even wider around where Ren is kneeling between them - and the touch is relentless. Ren doesn’t stop - doesn’t ease off or give him a break, just keeps rubbing over that one sensitive spot, making Hux writhe on the sheets until he’s loosened up enough for Ren to add a third finger. 

It stretches Hux wide - making him gasp and tense almost immediately, “fu—fuck slow, slower,” he begs and Ren eases down over him, burying the three fingers in and just keeping them there as he kisses Hux’s chest. 

“Tell me when you want more.” His voice is rough and low and Hux twists to look at him. 

“Is this - is it okay?” He’s quiet, overly aware of himself and hoping this isn’t a turn off, but when Ren looks at him through long, dark lashes - there’s nothing there that says anything other than ‘want’. 

“It’s perfect - you’re amazing,” Ren groans, shifting so Hux can feel the press of his erection against his thigh. “and so tight.. fuck you don’t know how much I want you right now.” 

It could be a line, it could be something he says to everyone, but he sounds so raw and so fucking honest that the tension in Hux’s body eases and he’s whispering “move”. Ren doesn’t have to hear it twice - he’s moaning and pushing up enough to carefully fuck Hux with his fingers and use his tongue on one nipple - teasing it until it’s hard under his mouth and his fingers are buried deep. 

Hux is pretty sure this could be a horrible idea but he runs his fingers up into Ren’s hair and tugs, lightly, but it sets Ren off - makes him grind his hips down and rut against Hux’s thigh. 

“Fuck - you can .. you can do that as much as you want,” Ren groans, pulling his fingers free and drawing back enough to grab a condom off the nightstand. How he makes slithering out of his underwear look effortless and sexy has to be down to practice, but Hux doesn’t mind the view - feeling exceptionally less self-conscious when Ren is rolling the condom on and giving himself a couple of slow jerks - spreading extra lube around and smirking at Hux a little. 

“Can I?” Ren asks, pushing up onto his knees and half-crawling until he’s on all fours over Hux and has one hand stroking his thigh. 

“Yeah - fuck please,” Hux begs, moving his hands back up into Ren’s hair and enjoying the feel of it in his hands, the way it tangles in between his fingers. He’s so distracted by it that he almost misses it when Ren starts to move, lowering himself down and angling just so until his cock is pressing at Hux’s entrance - just enough pressure to make his presence known but he waits, just barely thrusting until Hux keens _“please”_ again. 

But then… then he’s pushing in. It’s brutally slow, like he’s doing it on purpose just to make Hux go crazy - but it’s perfect in every way. The burn and the stretch as he inches his way inside as Hux pulls and tugs at his hair, panting and moaning at the sensation. 

“Yes - oh fuck,” Hux grits the words out, the sound echoing in the lofted room, and he’s not the least bit embarrassed. This stupid place had needed a good christening for awhile now, and he deserves this. Deserves every fucking inch of it. And when Ren is all the way in and reaching up to pull Hux’s hands out of his hair and pressing them above Hux’s head and to the mattress — well frankly that’s only making things better. 

“I’ll let go - just say the word,” Ren pants, rocking his hips and filling Hux so perfectly that Hux couldn’t say anything if he tried. He’s just nodding again, reduced to a grunt as Ren stretches out over him and moves - finally, blessedly moves. Real thrusts, deep ones that have Hux making breathy sounds like he’s never made before. One leg thrown over Ren’s hips, trying to pull him in - take whatever it is that Ren wants to give him. 

“Christ — you don’t know how good you feel,” Ren moans, ducking his head and kissing Hux as he speeds up, their noses brushing and sweat beading on his forehead, “fuck so good.” 

Hux bites his lip and nods, not trusting himself with words, with whatever he might say in the heat of the moment. He flexes his hand and Ren loosens his grip automatically until Hux is squirming back against him with a whispered _“no, tighter.”_ It’s better than rope or leather, the way Ren pins him down and squeezes, taking exactly what he wants and making Hux feel amazing in the process. 

“Can you come like this?” Ren asks, speeding up. 

Hux shakes his head and Ren nips at his bottom lip, “say it. Tell me.” 

“I h-haven’t,” Hux replies, voice hoarse from holding in words and sounds, “I haven’t but I want to.” 

Ren lets out a low chuckle and moves, angling his hips just a little differently and Hux is shouting. It’s incoherent, the noises he makes as Ren’s cock drags over his prostate and the friction between their bodies gives Hux just enough of what he needs to come - suddenly - without warning and with a cry that he’s pretty sure could wake the neighbors if the damn place weren’t so well insulated. 

Ren’s hand loosens around his wrists, but doesn’t let go completely - instead he focuses on rocking into Hux, taking his time and wringing every last bit of pleasure from Hux that he can until he’s slamming in and coming with a bitten-off groan, his face buried into Hux’s chest. 

“God…” Hux croaks, pulling his hands free from Ren’s loose grip so that he can clutch at those wide shoulders instead. 

Experience apparently lends itself to stamina - Hux isn’t complaining. But for as good as the orgasm feels, he’s far more caught up in the closeness with another person. He craves the weight of someone pinning him to the bed - of being caged in by big arms - of having something solid to hold onto. Something he feels like he’s been missing for even longer. 

_//_

_“I want a divorce.”_

_“You - okay?” Hux was working on a report at their eat-in bar, but he paused long enough to look at Finn who had his arms crossed over his chest._

_“You don’t seem surprised.”_

_Hux was. Very surprised. He knew things were bad but he thought it was because he didn’t want to do the whole nesting thing that Finn was into. Babies. Who wanted babies? FINN. Finn wanted babies. But they were waiting. Hopefully forever._

_“I .. do you want to talk about it?”_

_Finn rolled his eyes, “yeah. With an attorney.”_

_It was right about then that Hux had noticed the duffel bag by the front door. Apparently it wasn’t just gym clothes._

_“Oh. Alright.”_

_“I’m staying with a friend. Call me tomorrow.”_

_//_

“You nodding off on me already?” Ren says, mouthing at Hux’s shoulder. 

“Mm no? Yes? Maybe?” Hux replies, voice heavy and fuzzy. 

There’s a soft breath against his throat - a light kiss and Ren’s voice vibrating through him. “You look like you could use the rest.” His voice is soft too, close and unguarded and Hux just nods, settling back into the pillows as he half-hears: “Relax... I’ll let myself out. Call me tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex Notes: 
> 
> * two dudes making out, anal sex, anal fingering, protected sex with condom, using a tie as a leash (temporarily), Hux is restrained in this chapter by Ren's hands (no outside implements), consensual sex, mention of restraints, mention of sex toys, jerking off, mentions of past masturbation, talk of his divorce
> 
> * there is no direct bdsm negotiation in this because there's not a whole lot of bdsm elements in the grand scheme of things; there may be in future chapters... that said, you'll notice Hux was asked to fill out a preferences form in chapter one - it's implied, though not explicit - that this preferences form would include preferences for bdsm activities. I've done by best to have Ren ask for consent for everything he does regardless - if I've not done that, and you feel it could be triggering, please let me know I'll add in a note about it. 
> 
> DID I CATCH THEM ALL?? 
> 
> If you're on tumblr my (resurrected) writing journal is http://parttimedouchebag.tumblr.com/
> 
> Please don't go through my archives. Please God. I don't post a lot of stuff there, usually just fic updates and such. Maybe I'll make it more active. You can definitely send me asks there or requests or drop me a note if I fucked something up in my fic. 
> 
> It's a side blog so I can't follow people there??? I'm so sorry. Ugh. I'm awful.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Hux's decision making and what it takes to forget that night. Or to try and forget and end up remembering even more. 
> 
> This chapter includes sex between Hux and an original male character. See the end of the chapter for notes and extra tags!

When Hux wakes up, he’s sore in places that he had forgotten could be sore, but he admittedly enjoys the ache. At some point in the evening he was tucked into his covers and .. apparently Ren plugged his phone in and left it on the nightstand with a glass of water and some tylenol. 

Hux can’t tell if that’s cheeky or just being thoughtful. 

Speaking of the man, he’s gone. Probably has been for awhile. The rest of the apartment is silent aside from the usual whispers of electricity and the groan of a couple of old pipes. Hux had thought this part, the waking up alone part, would be worse. It doesn’t make him sad, more dazed than anything. Had he really just paid someone for sex? Is that pathetic? 

He frowns at the ceiling, movies really fucked his expectations. In the movies, everyone gets divorced and goes out to clubs and bars and it’s three different people rotating in and out of his bed every week, no one sticking around too long, just long enough to fuck and make an impression and boom they’re gone again and he’s on to the next. 

The only person who’s given him a phone number recently was some creep at the lounge he used to frequent. Key: in the past, because now he doesn’t want to go there and run into that sketchy weirdo ever again. He checks the clock and realizes with a bit of shock that he’s slept until almost one in the afternoon which has to be some kind of record even for a Saturday. 

Dragging himself out of bed, he stumbles into the bathroom, squinting against the too-bright sunlight filtering in from the windows. He’s just about to throw himself into a very decadent bath without a second thought when he catches a piece of paper tucked into the corner of the vanity mirror. He reaches up for it and feels his face go hot when he sees a phone number and ‘Ren’ hastily scribbled on what is… a receipt for Chick-Fil-A?

“I didn’t even know there were Chick-Fil-A in Massachusetts…” Hux says to himself, checking to see what Ren ordered before going to get his phone. He adds the name in and waffles over what to text. Is there an appropriate way to say ‘thanks for the amazing sex’ without it sounding weird? Is there some kind of protocol for texting an escort? 

Instead of Ren he texts Phasma, while perched on the edge of the bathtub and letting the water heat up before he throws in bubble bath. Something which he will swear before a judge that he doesn’t own. 

Hux: _Took your recommendation._

Plasma: _Did you really? And how was it? Perfect. Like I said._

Hux rolls his eyes, dipping his fingers under the tap before stoppering the tub and turning to set his feet into the warm water. 

Hux: _Everything you promised and more._

Phasma: _Details?_

Hux pauses, thinking about how to answer that exactly… he isn’t at a loss for what to say about the experience, and it’s definitely all positive, but he kind of hedges about what he wants to share. Something about it being so arranged makes it feel more private. Thinking about it he decides to dial Phasma’s number. 

“You’re lucky I’m not busy right now and that I wasn’t trying to go back to sleep.” 

“You were texting, you clearly had time on your hands and were wide awake.” 

He hears her sigh and knows she’s probably shaking her head at him. He kind of misses her in that way; her condescending affection really put him at ease. 

“Are you going to tell me about it or just lord it over my head?” 

“Fine fine…” Hux slowly lowers himself into the water with a quiet sound, “he was attractive. Really attractive - when they say they’ll match you with exactly your type, they weren’t kidding around. I kind of lost myself in the whole thing.” 

“Mm, that’s why I use them specifically … it’s more than just a call girl service which I appreciate.” Plasma pauses and then with an accusatory tone asks, " … are you in the bath?” 

“Sore.” 

Phasma laughs, “any details on _that_ then?” 

“Pfft. No.” 

“You're so ungrateful. Just admit it was incredible..that I have good taste and that I am never wrong." 

“Two out of three.” Hux says. 

"Which two?"

"I'll let you decide." 

Phasma snorts. "Awful. Alright I have to go - meeting with some friends for-"

"You have friends?"

"Ha. Very ha. Goodbye Brendol Hux the second, first of his name-"

"-ok clearly the second-"

"-the fire touched-"

"-a ginger joke, how creative-"

"-breaker of glasses-"

"- I was _very_ drunk-"

“- _khaleesi_." 

"God. Fuck off. Goodbye." 

He hangs up and fiddles with his phone - glancing again at Ren's name in his contact list. 

Okay. He can do this.

Hux: _I didn’t know there was a Chick Fil A in Massachusetts._

Waiting a couple of minutes to see if he gets an immediate response he then feels incredibly pathetic for it and tosses his phone in the direction of his towel and sinks down into the water. It’s a good day, he had a good night. He should enjoy this. 

*****

Hux doesn’t get a response until late that night. He’s in bed reading for pleasure, a shockingly rare occurrence in his life, when his phone lights up on the nightstand. Reaching for it and setting his book on the covers he taps the screen and sees the notification from Ren. 

Ren: _There’s five._

He can’t stop himself from smiling a little. There’s no explanation, no need to go into too many ugly details of where he’s been or what he’s been doing… even though the thought crosses Hux’s mind. Tapping the screen to unlock it, he pulls up his texts and tries his hardest to just be himself. 

Hux: _Learn something new every day. I would’ve taken you more for a grilled chicken sandwich person but … nuggets, really?_

Ren: _They’re a vehicle for Polynesian Sauce to get directly into my mouth, I’m not going to lie._  

Hux has to take a minute to laugh, a low chuckle that fills the room as he thinks of that mental image. He doesn’t want to admit that he finds it cute. 

Hux: _Do you really drink sweet tea?_  

Ren: _I’m not going to answer that._  

Hux: _A man has to have some secrets_  

Ren: _Only a few. Are you feeling alright today?_

Hux hesitates, his trepidation firmly rooted in the fact that he wants to say too much and that could be dangerous. Why does he even feel like that - this isn’t … they had a business transaction. This is business - it’s like a post-meeting follow up email. 

Hux: _Good. You?_

Ren: _A little tired. Worn out from last night._  

Hux: _I sympathize._  

There’s no answer for about a half hour and Hux assumes Ren’s gone to bed or is out with another client. He tucks his book away and clicks the light off and just as he’s about to drift off he catches his phone flickering back on again. He reaches for it, almost dropping it on the floor. 

Ren: _Fell asleep - goodnight Hux._  

Hux: _Goodnight Ren._  

Strangely, he feels lighter. 

*****

On Monday when Hux gets into the office, Jess is suitably intrigued and he’s barely shrugging off his blazer when she pounces on him. She swings around the door frame and then blocks his only exit because she’s a tactical genius and knows if he can’t get away that he has to talk. 

"How did the date go?" 

Hux looks up from where he’s booting up his laptop and blinks. 

"It was...nice. He's completely out of my league though - looks wise."

"Aw you're too hard on yourself, General," Jess says, "I'm sure he thinks the same thing about you." 

"Hm." Noncommittal.

"Well fine, are you going to see him again?" She's holding files for his upcoming meetings as she plops down in the chair across his desk. He reaches for them but she quickly snatches them out of his grip and holds them up above her head.

"Are you holding my notes hostage?" 

"I am."

Hux sighs, "maybe. If I'm not too busy and he's not already booked."

Jess waggles her eyebrows, "gonna start looking for ways to clear a weekend for you again soon." 

"Fantastic..." Hux deadpans, "notes please." 

Jess hands them over the desk and sits back with her phone and Hux can tell she’s already making good on this threat to try and clear his weekends of work. 

“You don’t have to move my schedule around, really.” 

“Well too late because you’re completely free this Saturday.” 

Hux squints, “I thought that was the Hong Kong … thing … telecast or whatever.” 

“Was,” Jess says, not looking up, “but they canceled this morning and rescheduled it for two weeks out.” 

“… that’s convenient,” Hux gives her a suspicious look but she shrugs her shoulders in a way that shouldn’t come off as elegant but the Tory Burch dress she’s wearing adds a certain level of authority to her actions. 

“You’re welcome!” she says cheerfully, hopping up out of her seat and heading back to her desk. He watches her go and thinks about how he can get her a raise. She reminds him a lot of Phasma… if Phasma was less terrifying and couldn’t kill him with her bare hands.

*****

It’s strange, the way his week goes by faster when he has someone to share it with, even if it’s in a superficial kind of way. It’s not that he’s looking for a ton of feedback but just knowing that someone is reading the notes he’s writing is enough to lighten his mood. 

Ren is .. funny. For as cock-sure and smug as he had been about fucking Hux into the mattress, he has a dry sense of humor that makes Hux smirk in meetings when he reads a text on a conference call. There’s also a certain amount of nerdiness that Hux can appreciate. When he asks if he watches Game of Thrones, Ren is quick to reply “yes but I’m two weeks behind so no spoilers” and Hux feels somehow delighted by it. 

There’s gaps throughout their chats when Ren is in class - a place where he pays just as much attention as he had to making Hux come so hard he felt like he was blacking out. Before he hits campus, he tells Hux he’s heading to class and sometime in the evening Hux gets a message about something inane that happened. Occasionally he says something about his lecture, about a drunk person on the T, one day it was that he got a phone number on his Starbucks cup. 

By Thursday Hux is in such a good mood that Jess is convinced he’s on uppers, and all he can think about is the weekend. Except … that’s the one thing they haven’t talked about. They’ve in fact completely avoided it. Hux hasn’t booked Ren and part of him doesn’t want to know if he _is_ busy. If he is, it means he’s with someone else and even though Hux is fine with their arrangement … it’s more information than he needs about someone who is decidedly not in a relationship with him. 

Part of him wants to give in to the jealous impulse and ask Ren out, but part of him sees how foolish that is and so on Friday, feeling bolstered by getting laid, Hux decides to go out for drinks on his own. He doesn’t need Ren to get off or enjoy his time so he’s going to find someone to go home with. He can’t get into this weird rut again… that was the whole point in getting laid by a professional, right? To show himself he was still capable of enjoying and wanting sex and that  he was desirable. 

The logic there is only partially flawed but he lets it go. Ren is in a late class and Hux turns off his phone and goes home to change into something that looks like he wants to go home with someone else. 

*****

Four drinks in and the guy who’s been talking to him at the bar is starting to lean more into his personal space and Hux is fairly certain they both have the same thing in mind. 

“Do you want to go back to my place?” 

“Yeah, you close to here?” Hux asks, signaling for the bartender so he can pay his tab. 

“Just a block over, we can walk.” 

Hux thinks his name is something like Anthony? Alan? Arthur? It starts with an A… probably. But he doesn’t need a name for what he has in mind. His whole body is buzzing and the adrenaline from the night is kicking his entire body into high gear. He’s nervously shoving his hands in his pockets, and trying to make small talk and innuendo. Aiden? Aaron… ? keeps nudging him, brushing their shoulders together and once or twice stopping so he can kiss into Hux’s neck or along his jaw. It’s nice and Hux is enjoying it in a superficial ‘this-is-just-about-sex’ way. 

But at the guy’s apartment, it starts to turn. He’s hot in a generic way that people are attractive without you being attracted to them. He likes to be bossed around and Hux has no problem taking advantage of that situation. It’s something he’s comfortable with, being in charge and having control. It’s why he’s CTO at thirty - it’s why he’s got money from selling one company already. Without hesitation, he's ordering Alfie? Adam? to his knees and leaning back against the couch cushions while he gets what is probably really great head. 

His fingers are threaded into the guy’s hair and he’s guiding his mouth just how he wants it… but there’s something else. His mind just keeps floating elsewhere. Maybe he had too much to drink? He comes though. thrusting up into his hook up’s mouth before he’s pulling away and tugging the condom off. 

He offers a hand job, pulls the guy up into his lap and makes out with him while he jerks him off. Thankfully All American half-passes out in a drunk stupor after he comes and spares Hux the awkward ‘I have to be up early tomorrow’ speech. The guy is lucky Hux isn’t a criminal or anything - right now the house is ripe for theft but Hux just lets himself out and twists the lock in place as he goes. It’s about a mile home but he can’t be assed to hail a cab or call an uber. Instead he shoves his hands into his jacket pockets and shuffles back towards Cambridge on what has to be his most dejected walk of shame in recent memory.

As he walks, he tries not to over-analyze it, something his therapist told him he did too often, but it was a wholly unfulfilling experience. He thought he wanted it, and he got off, but it wasn’t the same as when it was with Ren. The sex felt more cheap than paying for it had and it eats at Hux like a fever. It’s Friday night though… it gives him all day Saturday to think about what he wants… or to forget about everything. He’s not sure which is the most appealing anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: 
> 
> * Hux hooks up with someone he meets at a bar. Both of them are intoxicated but not to a point that anything happens that is non-consensual. blow jobs, hand jobs (not in great detail, just mentioned). 
> 
> * Game of Thrones jokes (sans spoilers) 
> 
>  
> 
> If I missed something you feel is triggering or important to tag, please let me know! Cheers y'all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux gets sick, Ren comes over to take care of him - but because of Hux being contagious - what he's able to offer isn't exactly what Hux wants. 
> 
> When Hux drunkenly texts Ren the next weekend though, he gets exactly what he wants... but he thinks it's starting to come at an even steeper cost. 
> 
> There's Kylo/Hux sex in this chapter - warnings at the end.

Hux wakes up and feels disgusting. Unsatisfying sex can do that to you, he supposes, and he looks around for a distraction. What he finds are a pair of running shoes in the closet that look like they might have cobwebs. In lieu of anything else satisfactory to do, Hux picks them up and makes a decision. He’s going to go out today - he’s going to go out and _exercise_. 

He goes running. Like honest to god puts on shoes and those ridiculously high cut shorts and goes running. The regret of this decision is almost immediate. It’s crowded. It’s a nice day and people are all taking advantage of the weather and they all look so enthusiastic. There are people with dogs and babies, couples and friends laughing and chatting as they casually and gracefully pace themselves along the walkways. 

Which raises a lot of questions - the first of which is, how do people talk and jog at the same time? How is that even possible, he can barely breathe let alone form words with the ragged, half-gasping thing he’s doing. He jogs along the esplanade and tries not to make eye contact with anyone else because then they’ll notice him wheezing because it’s been months since he got any kind of physical activity in. He blames work but the reality is he’s just lazy and has a fast metabolism. However, his doctor recently informed him that pushing into his 30s meant that was going to slow down so he better be prepared to start changing his dietary habits or start exercising. 

Clearly he chose exercise over pizza because nothing will come between him and deep dish. 

Hux spends an hour familiarizing himself with the waterfront sidewalks and he only had to stop once to heave into some shrubs so. That has to count as a success even if he hates every minute of it. 

Of course the problem is he’s exhausted and over a mile from his apartment. Slumping onto a bench he pulls out his phone and flips through his apps until he finds what he’s looking for. 

“Thank fuck…” 

Five minutes later he’s hopping in to an uber and giving the driver a look that clearly says ‘don’t fucking ask.’ 

*****

Monday mornings should be criminally charged with a felony for merely existing and everyone knows it. Tuesday though, Tuesday you have an arrangement with. Tuesday is supposed to have your back and treat you like Monday doesn’t. It’s supposed to be better on Tuesday to help you get through the rest of the week. Except, this is Boston and apparently whoever or whatever is upstairs hates Hux. It’s raining, the buses were all running late, his umbrella got flipped inside out by the wind, and worst of all his socks are wet which drives him absolutely mad. He was prepared to put on Bean boots but then the idea of slogging around in the things all day made him hesitate and he was so sure there wouldn’t be enough standing water to cause a real issue. But of course, there’s two inches of the shit on the ground at his stop and the driver managed to somehow place himself in that awkward position that’s too far from the curb to step on so you have to step down into the roadway… and it’s a gutter so. Do the math. 

Jess walks in and sees him slouched over his laptop looking murderous. 

“Alright Darth Vader, calm down over there, I can feel the hate from here… do you want me to run get you a coffee? I brought wellies!” 

Hux gives her a dark look over his laptop screen and then narrows his eyes, “Masks are for cowards. If you kill people, do it face to face. It’s respectful.” 

“….coffee?” 

“Venti white mocha, nonfat, no whip, five shots. Thank you.” 

Jess scribbles the order onto a sticky note and turns to leave, stopping by her desk on the way, ostensibly to pull her wellington boots on. Hux desperately wishes he looked reasonably attractive in wellies. They’re dead useful but with his stupid young face he wears them and looks twelve. 

This whole day is shit. 

Not even the coffee that Jess brings back makes much of a dent in his attitude. He’s fully prepared to work through lunch and skulk home after 8 to think about his poor life choices but Jess kicks him out to the cafeteria around 1 to go eat and Hux is too scared to say no. She bodily blocked his re-entry to his office when he left to go to the bathroom and when he started to get close he thinks she growled. 

“Go to lunch.” 

“Okay but I was in the middle of— never mind I was in the middle of nothing.” 

“That’s what I thought.” 

He grabs a sandwich and finds a quiet table and takes his phone out to flip through some gossip sites which is definitely his guilty pleasure. He’s mid-scroll through a click-bait piece about the royals when a message notification pops up. 

Ren: _This weather is shit._

Hux snorts and immediately ditches his gossip. 

Hux: _My socks are soaked and I hate everything._

Ren: _Wet socks.. you’re gonna catch a cold._

Hux: _That’s an old wive’s tale._

Ren: _You say that until you catch a cold._

Hux: _Alright, doctor I’ll change when I get home._

Ren: _Not a doctor yet._

Hux: _Just play one on tv?_

Ren: _I can play one in your bed._

Hux laughs and then looks around to make sure no one is looking. He can’t stop thinking about how shitty his weekend hookup was and how much he wanted Ren instead the whole time. Someone competent and who knew how to fuck him and give him what he needs. 

Hux: _Are you busy this weekend?_

Ren: _I’m free on Saturday_

Hux: _I’ll call and schedule it._

Fuck that’s so weird. Hux scrunches his face up and someone from his office who’s also in the food court stops to ask if he’s okay. 

“What- yes, fine I’m just reading the news, politics… HM.” 

He tries to be vague and shake his head as the woman just nods and agrees before wandering off again. He’s never going to get used to that very American ‘ism’ of constantly checking on one another instead of plainly ignoring situations in order to focus more on where one was just heading and how to get there _much_ faster. 

Ren: _Should I bring anything with me?_

Hux tries to think if maybe he’s hinting at something sexual or… if he thinks there’s like a swimming pool in the building and he should bring his swim shorts. 

Ren: _Anything._

Must be of a sexual nature. 

Hux: _I have plenty of things here to occupy us if we run out of ideas._

Ren: _I highly doubt that will happen._

Hux stares at the last text and gets a sort of dopey smile on his face and then tries to erase it as quickly as possible lest someone ask him what he’s so happy about. He throws his trash out and heads back to his office and as soon as he’s alone in the elevator, he checks his phone again and allows himself a half-smirk as he thinks about what it is that Ren wants to do to him. 

What he _will_ do to him this weekend. 

*****

Of course, he gets sick. Exactly as Ren said he would. 

Hux tries his damnedest to get himself over it before the weekend gets there but it’s not happening. He calls to try and cancel but the booking agent, who he knows now is named Maz, tells him that if he cancels he’ll still be charged the amount in full. 

“Fine, I understand the policy, he can just.. come watch tv or something…” Hux hangs up and tries to drink some more Emergen-C and thinks that he can probably will it out of his system in 24 hours. 

Shocker, he doesn’t. 

When Ren shows up, Hux feels more pathetic than he has all week and that’s saying something. 

“You look terrible,” Ren says, walking into the apartment and shutting the door behind himself. 

“Yeah you look amazing, so just rub it in,” Hux sniffles, almost flinching when Ren wraps an arm around him and pulls him close, kissing into his hair. 

“Come on I brought you soup,” Ren says, pulling a paper bag with a still-warm container out of his messenger bag. 

Hux just stares at him and then feels immediately suspicious. “Is .. what’s? I’m confused.” 

Ren just turns and looks at him with a curious smile, “it’s probably the fever you have - you paid to be taken care of didn’t you.” 

Hux makes a snorting sound that sounds very muffled from the congestion, “I mean I originally planned to be taken care of in a very tactical way…” 

“Tactile.” 

“What?” Hux squints.

“Nevermind,” Ren smirks and nudges Hux towards the couch and then goes to make himself at home in the kitchen. 

“What are you even doing?” Hux calls, yanking a blanket up over himself and patting down the couch cushions to find the remote control. 

“I’m putting your soup in a bowl,” Ren says, and Hux can hear the opening and closing of cabinets before he locates the one he’s after. “Do you have a kettle or do I have to do this in the microwave like a savage?” 

“It’s in the lower right cabinet next to the oven,” Hux sniffles out. “But I don’t have any tea.” 

“How is that possible?” Ren asks, a note of incredulousness in his voice.

“I know, my mother despairs of me as well." 

Hux can hear the kettle going on the stove, and he starts to remind Ren he doesn’t have tea but just ends up coughing the majority of the way through it. Ren pops up behind the couch with the bowl of soup and passes it carefully to Hux when his coughing fit is done. 

“I don’t have tea,” Hux wheezes. 

“I know, I brought some because I figured you might be an idiot who gets sick and doesn’t have tea.” He’s mocking Hux, but his tone is soft behind the harsh words and Hux can’t stop the slight blush that creeps up his face. 

“And you weren’t wrong,” Hux says, stirring his soup and looking decidedly anywhere else other than at Ren. 

It’s strange, just spending time with him and not having the promise of sex hanging in the background. Objectively, Hux knows he’s paying for this as a service and that it’s not a real thing but, it’s easy to lose himself in the illusion… he finds out that Ren has this truly glorious little laugh and Hux has to cover his face at the sound of it. 

“You got an uber back from your run?” 

“Why is it when you say it, it sounds so bad?” 

“You’re the one who did it!” 

Ren started out perched on the couch, but over the course of the evening, he’s slowly worked it so that Hux is curled up in his lap and laying on his chest. Ren has an arm wrapped around his shoulders and every once in awhile his fingers stroke along Hux’s arm or dig in a bit. 

“I hooked up with this guy last weekend at a bar,” Hux admits. 

“Oh?” 

Hux frowns and tucks his head in under Ren’s chin. He feels Ren’s fingers squeeze at his arm, his thumb brushing along Hux’s shoulder blade. 

“How was it?” 

“Kind of lackluster,” Hux says. 

“Mm, maybe next time I’m over, when you’re not riddled with plague, I’ll help you forget about it.” 

“That was my plan for this weekend…” 

“But someone didn’t listen when I said not to stay in their wet socks all day and look what happened,” Ren replies. 

Hux groans and resituates himself against Ren, “yes I get it, I have learned a valuable lesson.” 

“Good boy.” 

Hux shivers and it has precious little to do with the fever. Ren grabs the remote from him and starts trawling through the on demand movie options until Hux makes a noise that indicates this is the one he wants to watch and Ren selects it. 

“I hope this isn’t any indication of your taste in films.” 

“Excuse you, this is a classic.” 

Ren shakes his head but lets it slide and Hux makes himself comfortable. He wants to dig into why it is he feels so comfortable cuddling with a sex worker on his couch but to be fair this _is_ what he missed… he’s ultimately paying for exactly what he wants. He supposes the niggling feeling in the back of his head is: why can’t he have this or do this with someone he isn’t paying for? Maybe it’s because there’s the fear of rejection from some random person, the idea that you have to build up trust and spend ages working up to point where you can confide in them. And asking them to come take care of you when you’re sick is definitely a six months or more situation in Hux’s experience. But Ren isn’t going to say no because he’s paid to say yes. Well, to a point obviously but … 

“Are you asleep or just mouth breathing?” Ren cuts off his thoughts and Hux stirs enough to tilt his head up and glare at him. 

“I was mouth breathing but thank you for asking at max volume in case I HAD been asleep.” 

“Doing my best - is it uncomfortable for you to lay like this? Maybe you should lay flat…” 

“I’m fine I want to watch the movie.” Hux knows he sounds grumpy but he can’t manage to change his tone. The nice thing is, Ren doesn’t get scared off he just snorts a laugh and bundles Hux up closer to him. 

“Watch your awful movie then,” Ren coos in a teasing tone of voice, pulling the blanket up around Hux’s shoulders and patting his back. 

When the movie finishes, he herds Hux to bed and even tucks him in. After the Nyquil, Hux is too out of it to notice or care all that much. He sort of expects Ren to leave, but instead, he feels the weight of him on the bed and then feels an arm wrap around his waist as solid warmth envelops him. 

“You gon’ sleep here?” Hux muffles into the pillows. 

“I can. Just have to leave early for a study session if I do.” Ren’s voice is low and quiet and Hux can feel his breath on the back of his neck. 

“Yeah. Stay.” 

It’s not like he notices. He’s out as soon as he hears Ren say ‘alright.’ 

Hux wakes up to him at seven in the morning, quietly putting his clothes back on. 

“Mngh-“ 

“Shh, you can sleep some more, I have a test Monday to study for.” 

“Mmkay-bye. Bye bye.” 

Hux shoves his face down in between a couple of the pillows that smell more like Ren and starts drifting back off. He can feel Ren hover, and he thinks Ren kisses him goodbye but he’s not sure. He might have fantasized that part. He goes back to sleep and when he wakes up a second time he is exceptionally annoyed at himself. 

He misses the piece of shit and scrunches his face up and is determined to not spend the day pining or moping or feeling at all sorry for himself. For all Hux knows the whole study group thing is a cover for Ren having another client. But he’s not going to complain, the service was outstanding and he enjoyed himself almost as much as if he’d gotten laid. In fact, he got _emotionally_ laid. 

When Hux stumbles into the bathroom he finds that Ren has left him a pair of socks on the counter. They’re brand new and have constellations on them. 

_“Keep them in your desk for a rainy day, you moron.”_

Hux hates that it’s so fucking cute. He ends up tipping him a ton of money through the app as if to prove to himself that this is just a transactional type of relationship. He thinks of it as a kind of self flagellation; punishment to remind himself, don’t get attached.

*****

There’s nothing to bring up about the weekend. 

Especially considering that he barely has time to talk to Ren in between his exams and studying for them. It’s apparently midterms but Hux is sure that’s not the only thing occupying his time. He does his best to not dwell around the idea but it does sort of haunt his week. He’s trying to be respectful and not send too many texts and only bothers Ren when Ren texts him first. It’s been working out well…sort of…

The interminable week drags through until on Friday Hux doesn’t leave the office until 10. He thinks of calling a car but ends up walking back to his apartment. It’s not that far and at this time of night it’s almost calming. He’s weary in every way you can be. He sees a few texts from Phasma waiting on his phone and he thinks there might be a couple from Ren but when he gets home he falls into bed still in his suit and goes immediately to sleep. 

*****

He wakes up at noon on Saturday and can’t believe he slept that long. Then again after being in meetings for most of the day Friday, he kind of CAN believe it. He showers and thinks about what he wants to do for the day. He could try running again… but just seeing his trainers gives him a dark flashback. No. No running - not this week at least. 

So Hux makes the adult decision to put on his favorite and most comfortable pajamas and set up shop on the couch with a pile of trash food and his favorite shit movies. At first it feels ridiculous but after an hour or so he feels pretty spectacular. 

It’s later in the evening when Hux gets up the drunken nerve to text Ren. He’s lonely and despite his current plan of pajamas and alcohol - there’s something else he really wants. 

Hux: _Are you free?_

Ren: _I am._

It’s the fastest reply he’s gotten since last week. 

Hux: _You should come over._

Ren: _Do you still have a fever?_

Hux: _Noooope. I am doing fine. I am super well._

Ren: _I’ll be over in 20_

He’s there in fifteen. 

Hux hears the knock and hops up, shuffling across the apartment on alcohol-heavy limbs and when the door opens, Ren is leaning against the frame, he looks amazing and casual and Hux just smiles, hanging off the door and they don’t say anything. Except then Ren is tossing his bag inside and before Hux can make some smart ass remark about moving in, Ren is grabbing him, squatting down enough so that he can wrap those big hands around the backs of Hux’s thighs and hitch him up. 

“Oh fuck-“ Hux breathes out as the door shuts behind them and Ren turns so he can push Hux against it and kiss him so hard that Hux is pretty sure it’s gonna bruise. He’s maybe never been manhandled like this in his life and it is giving him renewed hope that maybe everything about his existence doesn’t suck. No it’s in fact the opposite, everything is flawless. He runs his hands over Ren’s muscled shoulders and then is grabbing his hair and kissing back, moving their lips together, tasting Ren — his mind blanking out to a series of chanted 'oh fuck oh god'.

“Cute pajamas,” Ren comments off hand. 

“You can rip them off I don’t give a fuck.” 

Ren laughs and digs his fingers into Hux’s thighs, spreading them wider so he can bodily hold him against the door, breathing into his neck, “I was thinking about doing this to you all week.” 

Hux tightens his fingers in Ren’s hair and lets his head thud back against the door, “can you - can you leave marks?” 

There’s no answer, not a verbal one. It’s just Ren’s mouth, wet and open against his throat and then there are teeth scraping at his skin and a hard pinch, the feeling of suction and Hux’s breathing starts going funny. 

“Yes — yes like that—“ 

Ren leaves a few little bites along Hux’s pale skin that bloom purple almost immediately before he’s dragging his mouth back up and bumping their noses together and slowly setting Hux back on his feet.

"What do you want,” Ren asks. 

"I want to forget this week."

"Yeah? Think I can help you do that?” Ren shifts so that he can press his hips to Hux’s - letting Hux feel how hard he is already and Hux makes a low sound, running his hands down Ren’s arms and trying to force him closer.

"I know you can- fuck every time you're here I forget everything, you ass."

Ren laughs and sucks at Hux's lip, pulling away with a scrape of his teeth. "Been drinking?"

"Yeah - to help with the forgetting." Hux complains, fingers threading back up into Ren's hair and pulling. "Fuck me - _fuck me._ "

Ren groans and wraps an arm around Hux’s waist, pulling him close as he starts to walk them backwards through the loft, “bed?"

“Bed. Yes." 

Ren tumbles Hux down into the unmade blankets and grabs condoms and lube from the nightstand. He covers Hux’s body to kiss him again, pressing him down into the mattress as he works a hand up under Hux’s shirt to push it up and off. Then he’s sliding down the bed to yank Hux’s pants down and shove them off the bed. 

“Hurry - please come on -“ Hux is sort of half begging, half demanding and Ren laughs but does what he asks. Thank God, because if he didn’t, Hux is pretty sure he’d lose his cool.

There’s one finger, then two - wet and insistent and stretching him open, by the third finger, Hux is arching on the bed and fucking himself. He might have been shy if he weren’t a little drunk, but as it is he just wants to feel good and every thing he’s doing is focused on that one end goal. Ren has his mouth down at Hux’s hip, leaving a wet trail to the inside of his thigh before biting down and leaving a dark bruise. 

Hux is pretty sure if Ren does it again he could come…and that’s not fair. Pushing at Ren’s shoulders he starts to sit up, pulling away until Ren is sitting back and looking at him with glassy eyes. 

“You okay?” he asks, voice rough and deep. 

“Take off your clothes,” Hux orders. 

Ren just stares and slowly smirks… but ultimately he obeys, sitting up on his knees and throwing his shirt off before gracefully sliding off the bed and dealing with his pants and the rest. He stands fully naked in front of Hux to let him look. 

“Like what you see?” Ren asks, clearly enjoying himself. He doesn’t wait for an answer, climbing back on the bed and sliding on top of Hux, pulling him close and letting their bare skin touch at every available point he can. Hux’s brain is in the process of short circuiting but he remembers what it is he wants. 

"I want to be in charge.” Hux manages to breathe out, even though Ren’s mouth on his neck is starting to really distract him. 

Ren's eyebrows go up but he doesn't say no, just flips them over so Hux is on top. He’s half in between Ren’s legs and Ren has a steadying hand on his hip, 

"Like this?"

“Almost."

Hux moves to straddle him and Ren’s smile widens as he reaches for the condom he had out earlier to put on. 

"You want to ride?"

Hux nods, spreading his hands over Ren's chest, "but I'll tell you when you can come."

Ren tosses the empty foil away and thumbs along Hux's bare hip bones and makes a low sound. 

"I see."

"Is that okay?"

"Of course. Can I touch or would you rather I keep my hands to myself?" 

"Keep them on the bed for now. Just watch." 

He reaches back to take Ren's cock in his hand and eases it towards his already slick hole before slowly taking him in. The first press is almost too much but Hux knows what he wants, inch by slow inch he takes Ren in. The angle is incredible and when Ren is all the way inside him, he sits up and has to take a minute to just rock against Ren, eyes squeezed shut as he adjusts. When even _was_ the last time he did this? 

"Does it feel good?” Ren interrupts. 

"God you know it does," Hux grits out. He cracks one eye open and glares, but it doesn’t deter Ren at all. 

"Tell me." 

Hux lets out all the air in his lungs and sits up straighter, letting Ren fill him until there isn't room for anything else. 

“Tell me,” Ren says again, tone a little more sharp. 

Hux runs a hand over his own chest and lets his fingers spread over his throat, as if willing the words out. When he finally does talk, his voice is hoarse. 

"So full - you're so thick, it's amazing, having you everywhere at once-“ Hux pushes the hair out of his face and moves, experimenting with just using his legs to barely bounce in Ren's lap. He makes a low, breathy sound and keeps going. He's oblivious, just moving and fucking himself, using Ren to get off and it feels incredible. 

"Oh -oh god right there-right there-“ he’s saying it to himself but for Ren’s benefit - his thighs are shaking as he moves, getting Ren to press against his prostate on every thrust. 

"You're gorgeous like this,” Ren hisses, trying not to move but Hux can see the tension in his body - the way he grips the sheets to try and hold still. His fingers twitch into the covers and Hux looks at him, dazed and fucking enjoying the shit out of himself. Ren looks almost stressed and Hux loves it, loves that Ren wants to touch him so badly and that Hux is denying him…. but… 

With a kind of bleary determination, Hux grabs one of Ren's hands and brings his fingers up to his mouth - sucking a finger in, swirling his tongue around it and catching Ren's gaze. He’s so focused on Hux, on the ways Hux is touching him and using him - almost in awe. But he looks like he belongs there, spread out on Hux’s bed, his hair fanned out in the covers, lips parted as Hux rolls his hips and moans around the fingers in his mouth. 

"Touch me," Hux begs, pulling Ren's fingers away and letting them trail down his chest. 

“Where?" Ren asks, brushing a thumb over Hux's nipple and groaning when Hux tightens around him in response. 

“Anywhere - anywhere you can reach - you can bruise me -"

Ren lets out a low sound and closes his eyes. Hux can see him forcing himself to breathe slower and it makes him heady to think he's having that effect on him. 

“Do you like it - do you like the marks and the bruises?” Ren asks, holding Hux, helping to steady him as Hux moves, rolling his hips in waves and biting his lip. 

“I do… fuck I really do.” 

Hux’s grateful that Ren doesn’t question him or say anything. Instead Ren just grips harder at him and fucks up into him with sharp, deep thrusts that jostle Hux to the point he’d tip over into the covers if it weren’t for Ren’s hold on him. 

“Hurry - hurry make me come-“ Hux demands, leaning back and using his hands on Ren’s thighs for better leverage. 

“But I still can’t?” Ren asks, moving one hand to Hux’s cock - starting to jerk him off hard and fast in times with their thrusts. 

“No - no not yet not yet—“ 

“Fuck,” Ren growls, dropping back to the bed. 

Hux is so close, when Ren tightens his fist that’s all it takes and Hux is coming - his hips slowing and finally going still as he clenches and spasms around Ren - his own cock twitching in Ren’s hand as he moans. God this is exactly what he wanted, what he _needed._

He feels completely boneless and satisfied and he starts to move, his plan being to offer a blowjob but Ren hisses and grabs him so hard that Hux gasps. 

“Don’t- don’t move I’m too — too close.” 

“Yeah?” Hux asks breathlessly. 

“Yes… Jesus you look incredible like this and it feels amazing.” 

There’s part of him that wants to be insanely proud at that but that smug sense of superiority evaporates when Ren slowly pushes up onto his elbows and then quickly rolls Hux under him and shoves back in, grabbing one of Hux’s thighs to hold him open as he starts fucking him - slow and deep. 

Hux makes a sound - somewhere between a moan and a sob and grabs Ren’s shoulders. 

“When can I come?” Ren asks, his thrusts slow and even. 

“When I say so,” Hux snaps back at him, scratching lightly at his shoulders. 

Ren ducks his head with a laugh and kisses Hux’s collarbones. “Does this feel good? Having me fuck you when you’re already over-sensitive and aching from it?” 

“Shit-“ Hux pants and feels Ren’s fingers tighten against his thigh. 

“I’ll fuck you as long as you want - just how you want it, Hux - I’ll come when you want me to - fuck I’ll make you come again if you want. Whatever you want. I’ll do anything for you.” He sounds so raw and growly and Hux is losing it. 

“Come - come hurry-“ 

Ren bites down on his shoulder with a moan as he slams in a few more times and comes, rocking his hips in slower and slower as his body tenses and then relaxes. 

“Jesus…” Hux says, voice cracking, his hands sliding up over Ren’s broad shoulders and into his hair - sweaty from exertion. His whole focus is narrowed in on the feeling of Ren still inside him and of all the pinpricks of pain from the bruises he's left. Ren kisses the newest mark he's left on Hux's shoulder and Hux can feel the goose bumps rise everywhere at once. 

He’s so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chatper Notes: 
> 
> * enthusiastic safe sex, however Hux is drunk during the encounter, anal sex, anal fingering, some bruising/marking, riding, very mild orgasm denial bordering on edging, bossy bottom Hux,   
> * mentions in this AND later chapters of vomit (not vivid description of the act just a passing mention in this and a couple of times later but since someone found it triggering I'm adding it for others just in case...) 
> 
> If I left anything out let me know.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux tries again to find what he needs somewhere else and figures out it's still not what he really wants. 
> 
> After getting some West Coast news he takes Ren away for a long weekend at his beach house, just to escape what's happening in his life and realizing somewhere along the line how truly fucked he is, but that he's coming to terms with it. 
> 
> Hux/OMC (brief); Hux/Ren this chapter -- check tags at the end.

Ren spent the night.

Something that shouldn’t be problematic and yet, Hux knows this probably isn’t a thing that should be happening.

Well, none of it should be happening so what’s one more sin on top of the rest at this point?

There had been a long bath that Hux had practically fallen asleep in and after the fact, Ren had spooned him in the middle the bed and pulled him into his chest. It was sadly the best sleep that Hux has had in months. And in the morning, after slowly kissing Hux awake, he’d fucked him again - holding his hip in one hand moving slow and easy like they had all day.

Part of Hux’s brain was still short circuiting over the way Ren had kissed into his neck and whispered “you’re perfect.”

Afterwards, Ren had to leave to go to brunch with his mom, or so he said.

“Thanks for this morning - it’ll give me something to focus on while she goes on and on about her work,” Ren had said it while they were standing at the front door and he had been kissing into Hux’s throat again, his lips tracing the bruises from the night before.

Hux had shut the door, smiling until he was out of sight and then he’d slowly slid down to the floor and considered his poor life choices for roughly ten minutes. Some might call it moping but he likes to think of it as meditation.

By Monday he’s forgiven himself but is also in the mindset that he needs to re-evaluate things and the first step is making sure he gives Ren a really big goodbye tip.

So he logs on to the app and looks for recent meetings to add a tip to but there are no new charges. He tries to close it and reopen - to shut down and restart, but nothing shows up. He has one last course of action.

“Yes, hello?”

“Maz, I … I didn’t receive a bill from Ren this weekend”

Hux frowns and checks the app again.

"If there was no invoice, there’s no bill."

“Okay but he -"

“No invoice, no bill, Brendol.” The line goes dead and Hux frowns. Maybe Ren forgot to bill him? He sends a text, nothing to be embarrassed about, this is business.

Hux: _I didn’t get to pay you for this weekend._

It takes longer than usual for him to get a response but when it comes it surprises him.

Ren: _I know._

Hux: _Maz hung up on me when I called to pay._

Ren: _Sounds like her. Just think of it as a follow up call… especially considering the very generous tip from the week before._

Hux: _That doesn’t seem like good accounting._

Ren: _Don’t overthink it, Hux._

So he doesn’t.

Everything was great. Hux feels fine. Or something like fine.

He spends the week checking in the mirror to see if the bruises are still there. One or two begin to fade and Hux pinches them to see if he can make them surface again. It doesn’t work.

There are several times that he tries texting Ren but every time he does his heart jumps into his throat waiting for a reply and his face feels hot when he checks his messages for whatever Ren has sent. It’s bad and he decides to stage an intervention, on himself.

Saturday morning he drives down to the Cape and then around the bend to Provincetown because he wants to try.

*****

Hux picks up this guy at the bar because he has a certain look about him. The whole place has a look and a feel that he’s after, it’s why he chose it. He knows what he wants, what he has in mind. They have a couple of drinks and Hux takes him back to the hotel where he has a room.

He asks what it is that Hux wants, what he likes, what he doesn’t want, what his safe word is.

There’s things about the man that remind Hux of someone else. The messy, dark hair, the broad shoulders. The face is all different, of course, but he can close his eyes and pretend. When he’s allowed to have his hands he runs them over the stranger’s biceps, down to his elbows and back up again. Of course he isn’t given them for long before they’re pushed over his head and pinned down.

“If you want to stop, safe word out any time, understand?”

“Yes.”

“And your safe word?”

“Shell Game.”

“Good boy.”

Hux gets exactly what he wants, it’s just like last weekend but he’s no longer in control. It’s what he wants - being fucked like this - it’s hard and rough; Hux is edged for hours, bruised and aching until it’s over and then he's kissed and held. It’s exactly what he wants and what he came her to find. This is exactly what he asked for.

Except that it’s not Ren and something about that is wrong. He shouldn’t feel bad, Ren has other clients and Hux started this escort thing so that he could get the confidence to do exactly what he did tonight. Hux reassures the man he brought back that he’s fine, and then his … date… leaves.

Throwing on his pajamas, Hux grabs a handful of his stuff off the night stand and wanders barefoot out onto the beach. He’s never sure how to take the Cape, honestly; he gets why people vacation out here, but it’s not really his style. There’s a quiet stretch of beach and he makes sure no one is going to come along before sinking down into the sand. Hux fiddles around through his hoodie pockets until his fingers land on a half pack of cigarettes he bought.

It’s an ugly, nervous habit but he can’t stop himself from giving in occasionally, despite the fact that he quit years ago. He lights one up and takes a long, slow drag, inhaling until his lungs are full and then exhales slowly, savoring it.

Finn had actually hated it when he’d get a pack or bum one off of someone at a bar.

//

_“Do you have to? You’re going to smell and we’re going to have to take your jacket to get dry cleaned-“_

_“It’s just one.. don’t.. don’t panic over it, Christ.”_

_“I’m not panicking I’m telling you they’re gross and I don’t want you to keep doing this when you’re stressed or upset about something.”_

_He’s so earnest - the little heartfelt pleading that manages to niggle at Hux’s subconscious._

_“I’m not going to start again. I just wanted one for .. I don’t particularly need a reason.”_

_“Well don’t come to bed until you’ve showered then.”_

//

One time Finn had even argued about what would happen when they had kids. Which was actually the first time they got in a fight about having kids, come to think of it. Hux had gotten a pack of smokes while he was at this tech conference - the one where he sold his platform. He’d been drinking and bingeing with a bunch of guys in Tokyo and staying up all night coding and barhopping… he just kind of fell back into the routine he’d had when he’d been in undergrad.

There were a few left when he came home to San Francisco and Finn caught him out on the patio smoking after they’d had sex.

//

_“That’s a cliche….”_

_Hux turned and let the ash drop off into a flower pot. Finn sighed._

_“Are you starting this again? Didn’t you say you quit back in college?”_

_“I did quit.”_

_“And yet…?”_

_Hux sighed and leaned against the metal railing, taking a deep drag and shrugging, “I had a few left in the pack from the conference I didn’t want to toss them.”_

_“It’s healthier to throw them in the trash - if you keep this up, are you even going to live to see our kids turn thirty?”_

_Hux chokes and turns, waving Finn off with a startled look._

_“What **kids**?!”_

_“The kids - the kids we talk about having?”_

_Hux coughed into his fist and shook his head, finally getting in a breath of fresh air._

_“No no, those are the kids that **you** talk about having and that I keep saying no to.”_

_“We’re not going to have this conversation anymore - when you’re ready we’ll have kids.”_

_“There’s not a time for me to be ready to do that - I don’t want them. Ever. At all. Never will there be a time that I’ll be ready for kids because I don’t want them.”_

//

He’s pretty sure Finn had called him selfish shortly thereafter and things had gotten uglier but he can’t remember anymore. He blocked that out with a lot of vodka and _probably_ some cocaine.

He doesn’t miss Finn, not in the way people expect him to, and when people find out that he was divorced there’s this critical moment where they steer violently away from the topic because they think he doesn’t want to talk about it or that maybe he’s still bitter and upset.

Which is the awful thing, he’s really not. He’s annoyed that they aren’t friends anymore and that he let himself be set up with Finn to begin with. They probably would’ve been great at tennis together or something, if Hux played tennis, but as a couple they were a disaster. Both had this distorted idea of ‘okay well we are going to go on a date. Now five. Okay it’s probably time to have sex. Do we get engaged after a year?’ It was mechanical the way they went about things… but Finn didn’t have a family to speak of - he’d been in foster care most of his life which Hux felt REALLY truly horrible about - and Hux never told his family anything about his personal life. They had a stand-offish relationship where they very much loved him but emotions were not a done thing.

So Hux and Finn got an idea of what it was to be married from what they’d taken in from other people. It was like a quest in a video game. Achievement unlocked: you have a boyfriend. Next quest: get engagement ring beep boop.

It wasn’t ever going to work, which sounds mean but that’s how it was. They liked each other a lot but Finn had all the enthusiasm and charisma for life that Hux decidedly did not have and did not want. Finn wanted to go out there and be embraced by humanity and have kids and go on runs together in the park and Hux was more in the mindset of, why can’t we just go on a beach vacation to Ibiza or something? Read books, lay around, nap…

Whatever, the point was .. they weren’t good for each other and it was a mutually beneficial thing to break up. Hux just hated losing a friend, and in a purely selfish sense he hated giving up something that had belonged to him in even a small way. He was an only child - only children don’t share.

When the cigarette’s burned down as far as it will go, Hux stubs it out in the sand and dutifully carries the charred filter back to a trash can. He’s nothing if not incredibly considerate for the marine environment… even if he’s not nearly as kind to his own body.

Thank God he goes back to the city tomorrow. He can only take one day down here before it depresses him. Also it just feels dirty to pay to sleep on a beach when he has a damn house on the beach on the North Shore… that beach also didn’t come with a rowdy gay bar though… hence Provincetown.

Thinking about going up to his own house leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He hasn’t been up there for a couple of months not since this thing with Ren… which… Ren would probably like it there, the solitude and the laid back nature of the town.

Fuck. He huffs out a breath and forcibly stops thinking about Ren.

He stews in the car on the drive back to town and crawls into his bed on Sunday night with a renewed hatred for the work week….and for himself.

*****

By Wednesday, Hux has decided that he’s going to stop hating himself and his life choices. You know what, if getting an escort makes him feel better than fuck it, he deserves it, and he’s going to keep calling Ren. And if he gets hurt then oh well - at least he enjoyed it while it lasted and he doesn’t regret cutting things short or chickening out. No. He can do this. It’s a great internal pep talk and Hux takes a deep breath before picking up his phone and dialing the booking number.

Maz picks up on the third ring with her typical polite response.

“Yes, I’d like to book Ren for this weekend, it’s an overnight - uhm, long weekend away?” Hux asks, voice faltering slightly.

“He’s free on all three days but you’ll have to book them individually.”

Hux frowns, “I can do that I just - it’s a trip out of town.”

Maz makes a dissenting noise, “No no, Ren doesn’t do the full boyfriend experience…”

“Are you sure? He’s -“

“If you’d like to book him for a time when you return, that can be arranged. He has days available after your trip.”

“No I - no I just wanted to take him on this vacation with me-“

“And he doesn’t book those.”

“Oh…” Hux flounders momentarily, the wind being sucked out of his proverbial sails, and then, "that’s all thank you Maz I’ll call when I get back.”

“Goodnight Brendol.”

She hangs up without another word and Hux misses the days of old land lines when he could stand there in stunned silence and listen to the dial tone in defeat. Is he really that old that he remembers that? Christ there are people that can legally vote out there right this minute who never experienced that kind of perverse sense of disappointment and abandonment. They’re really missing out…

Swallowing down the foul taste of the whole thing he goes back to his room and drags out his weekender bags. Fuck it, so what if Ren can’t come with him- he’s going to his damn beach house alone. It’s his house and he has every right to enjoy it.

If only the thought of being there alone weren’t so depressing.

Maybe he should adopt a pet or something? … shit.

*****

Thursday at work he gets a call from Phasma, which is weird because they usually text during business hours and chat in the evening. He picks up immediately, worried there’s something wrong.

“Phas? You okay?”

“Bren - hi. Hi I’m fine. Have you been on Facebook this morning?” her voice is pitched kind of funny and he cradles the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he swivels in his chair towards his laptop and starts tapping on the keys but she cuts him off.

“No. Don’t. Listen. Just — take a deep breath, relax, don’t panic. I want to be the one to tell you - I don’t want you to learn from the internet.”

“Oh… kay…” Hux takes the phone back in his hand and leans over his desk, his anxiety rising slowly higher as he stares at his blinking cursor in the search bar.

“Finn and Poe got engaged last night.”

Hux slides down until his face is pressed firmly against the top of his desk.

“That’s — that’s great. Uh, good for them. They are literally perfect for each other - so much so that it’s almost disgusting. But in a really cute way, obviously?”

“Bren are you okay?”

“Yes I’m fine - we divorced for a reason.”

They’re both quiet and Phasma breaks the silence carefully, “do I need to come out there for the weekend or something? I can probably get a last minute on Virgin they’re always running that 11pm - 6am red eye?”

“No no I’m alright I have plans this weekend - going to the beach house to read and drink and do the whole melancholic New England thing.”

“Alone?”

“I don’t know yet - maybe?” He lies and Jess walks in, saving him from further elaboration. “Hey - thanks for calling and telling me I appreciate that - my 12 o’clock is here though so I need to go.”

“Of course - if you change your mind though, let me know, I don’t mind.”

“Thanks Phas…totally unnecessary but I’m glad you called and said something. Maybe I’ll avoid the Facebook for a bit then.”

“The Facebook? Alright Old Man - good lord…”

“Go to hell, love you bye.”

Hux hangs up his phone and looks up at Jess, “yes?”

“General, I have the conference room set up for the Google meeting, if you’d like to join us.”

“Thanks - yes, coming.”

He leaves his phone in his office and grabs up his notes to take to the meeting. He can do this - it’s just a regular Thursday. Nothing to see here, people.

*****

His original plan was to get an early exit from the office and drive up just before rush hour… except he gets stuck in another round of meetings and ends up getting back to his apartment at almost 8 which means he’ll get to his house around 9 if he just grabs the car immediately and drives straight through. …which he won’t do because he has to stop at a grocery store since there will be zero food in his house. Lots of wine though… thank God.

He doesn’t notice anyone when he walks into the apartment lobby, and to be fair, Hux is pretty great about ignoring everything; but when he hears his name he turns, startled.

Ren’s standing up from one of the convenient armchairs and stepping over a duffel bag on the ground so he can reach Hux faster.

“Oh _god_ …” Hux breathes out, dropping everything to the floor with a clatter as Ren gathers him into his chest.

“Hi…” Hux sighs, fisting the loose cotton of Ren’s shirt in his hands. He sags when he feels Ren’s long fingers carding into his hair and he didn’t know how much he needed to see someone that gave a shit about him until Ren is holding him. Hux feels exhausted all the sudden, like he’s been carrying around this shitty feeling in his chest all day and now that Ren is there - he’s holding it instead, giving Hux the room he needs to breathe.

“You okay? You’re not getting sick on me again, are you?” Ren asks, voice soft.

“No - no what are you doing here?”

Ren is kissing into his hairline and squeezing Hux closer, “you wanted me for the weekend, didn’t you?”

“Maz said-“

“Maz was wrong.”

“She said you didn’t do the boyfriend experience.” Hux is grasping at straws, trying to figure out what he’s doing, what his feelings are doing. He cannot be getting involved with an escort. He can’t be. This is ridiculous.

“I made an exception.”

Hux snorts and buries his face into Ren’s shoulder, “Yeah I’m sure you say that to-“

“I made an exception for _you_ ,” Ren cuts him off, stroking down Hux’s neck and eventually pulls back enough to look at him, “are you packed? You ready to go - I want to see this beach house of yours.”

Hux manages a shrug and nods and leans down to pick up his keys, “we have to stop at Whole Foods on the way though.”

“I can deal with that,” Ren says, grabbing his over night bag and following Hux into the elevator. “But only for about twenty minutes - too much exposure to crazy, organic mini-van-moms and I’ll probably start murdering people.”

“Same.”

*****

“Are you sure you’re taking me to your beach house and not some murder shack?”

Hux snorts, “oh wow you found me out…” he deadpans.

“I knew you were too nice.”

“It puts the lotion on it’s skin…”

“Is Precious in the trunk, or?”

Hux smiles, despite being so tired he could drop the minute he walks in the door. The last backroad to the house is a quiet, dark, winding affair and as they round the last corner, his house is on the water front, lit up against the dark.

“How are the lights already on?” Ren asks, leaning forward and looking like he’s taking it all in.

Hux looks shy when he says, “I have a groundskeeper person who looks after the place between visits and makes sure it hasn’t been burnt down or whatever. I had them stop by to prep the place since I was coming up.”

“Are you serious?” Ren asks, looking sideways at him.

“How else am I supposed to keep the place up… yes,” Hux is turning red as he parks in the drive way and shuts the car off. "I’ve also occasionally rented it out as a vacation home. Though not in awhile.”

Ren shakes his head and hops out to carry their groceries in while Hux drags their suitcases to the bedroom. Hux doesn’t miss the way that Ren tries to avoid being nosy but can’t help himself from poking around.

“Come on, I’ll help put these away… wait did you — did you eat anything?” Hux asks, pausing with one hand full of cheese, the other juggling a carton of milk.

“I didn’t but I’m not that hungry-“

“No no come on, let me make something-“

Ren walks over and takes the groceries out of Hux’s hands and sets them aside. “I’ll have a bowl of cereal - I’m not that hungry… if you’re hungry I’ll make _you_ a bowl of cereal.”

They just stare at each other for a moment and Hux nods before slumping a little, “yeah lets put this all away then.” They work in amicable silence, and when the last can is on the shelf, Ren is pressing against his back, pinning Hux into the counter.

“Bed?” Ren asks.

“Bed.”

Ren hasn’t managed to snoop in there yet and Hux enjoys the awe in his face as he scopes out the room. Hux had done a lot of the decorating up here himself. Well, he’d sat down with a professional and hand picked everything in the house and then let her do the buying and the staging. He’d made sure that the placement of the bed let him overlook the water while propped up in his pillows, though. That he was adamant about.

“That bed looks way more comfortable than the one in your apartment."

“Well it’s a vacation bed it’s supposed to encourage sleep."

Ren gives Hux a sideways look, "Shouldn’t all beds do that?"

“Shh. No… don’t - I’m tired it makes sense in my mind,” Hux insists, a small smile playing over his lips.

“Ah - of course,” Ren says and shakes his head, reaching out and pulling Hux closer by hooking a finger or two just inside his sleeve. “Come here.”

Hux’s obedience is immediate and he stops in front of Ren, half-dazed.

“We’ll just go to sleep tonight, hm?” Ren asks, his fingers undoing each button one at a time until he’s tugging the ends out of Hux’s slacks and slipping it off his shoulders.

“Yeah - surprisingly tired…” Hux leans forward and buries his face into Ren’s chest as his pants are deftly unzipped and gently pushed over his hips to land on the ground.

“Here,” Ren places a hand on his hip, guiding him backwards until the edge of the bed hits the back of Hux’s legs. “climb in, I’ll be right behind you.”

It’s a testament to how tired he really is that Hux allows this - just slides right under the covers and even submits to a careful, slow, goodnight kiss. He hears Ren shuffling around in the room, unzipping his bag and stepping into the en suite. But not long after, he’s sound asleep and completely oblivious to anything else.

*****

It’s cold in the morning and Hux finds Ren outside, sitting on one of the adirondack chairs in a hoodie with a blanket draped around his legs. He seems to be enjoying the fog that’s settled along the house. It’s dense and heavy this close to the coast and it feels almost mystical in its own way. Even though they can technically see the other houses along the road it all feels very private, like no one can bother them here. He enjoys days like this a lot. Some people consider it a waste of vacation, but Hux is enchanted by it, honestly.

“Oh you’re up.”

Ren looks up at him and sets aside the book he was poking through before pulling the blanket aside and motioning for Hux to join him. So Hux does just that, crawls into Ren's lap, pulling the blanket back up around both of them.

“Did you sleep alright?” Hux asks, settling in and laying his head back on Ren’s shoulder.

“I did - seriously why don’t you have that bed in Cambridge?”

“Because I would literally never leave it.”

Ren rolls his eyes and wraps an arm around Hux’s chest. They sit quietly for awhile, just enjoying the solitude that morning affords and how different it feels to relax outside the city.

When Ren finally talks, his voice is quiet as he asks, “Are you okay? You seemed out of it last night.”

Hux thinks about the ramifications of truth and settles on: “I had a busy week .. there was a lot to do at work and then I found out my ex got engaged.”

He can feel Ren stiffen a little, but he manages a modicum of control by only saying, “Mm, that sounds jarring.”

“I’m really happy for them honestly… I guess I’m just disappointed in myself.”

Ren makes a noise and frowns, wrinkling his nose against Hux’s cheek, “what’s there to be disappointed about - you have a beach house, a nice apartment, a great job…”

Hux starts to go into an explanation about being alone. About how Finn was able to move on and find someone else and how Hux has to pay for the sex he wants and moreover has to pay for someone to just care about him. But he can’t talk to Ren about that because … Ren’s the one he’s paying.

“I guess. Did you want breakfast?” Hux pushes himself up and Ren wraps his arms tighter around him, keeping him in place.

“Why don’t you just relax with me for a minute instead. Breakfast can wait.”

Hux starts to protest about that but he feels Ren’s hand stroking up under his sweater and resting against his stomach. His mouth is working along Hux’s jaw and when it makes it’s way down to Hux’s neck he gives in.

“Fine.. fine I’ll stay.”

So they stay like that, curled up together in one of the oversized deck chairs as the fog seems to hang even more heavily over them. The dark water laps at the beach below and Hux tries not to overthink it - something Ren is always advising him about.

*****

Most of the day is spent indoors which in Hux’s opinion is not time wasted in the least. Not when Ren is there and immovable and dominating. He’s been running the show since they got here and Hux lets him. Sits back and lets Ren boss him around the kitchen or herd him into bed… it’s nice to put his brain on autopilot, to not think.

It’s getting later and Hux hasn’t been fully dressed since about two when Ren had insisted on a nap. Which had absolutely zero sleep involved. It’s close to eight and Hux is standing on the balcony attached to the bedroom wrapped in nothing but a sheet and having a cigarette. He forgot the pack had been in his jacket but when he’d recovered them from the floor he figured he might as well.

It’s vacation - you sin on vacation.

Ren comes out of the bathroom in low slung pajama pants and a zip up hoodie and finds Hux outside.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t.”

Ren picks up the pack of cigarettes and gives Hux a curious look before sarcastically saying, “really? because _these_ are cigarettes, and _you_ are smoking one right now.”

Hux blows out a stream of smoke and shakes his head, “what? Really?”

Ren sighs, pulling one out of the pack and gently grabbing Hux’s chin, turning his face up and lighting his off the red cherry on Hux’s.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Hux parrots.

“I don’t.”

Ren inhales and lets it out through his nose and looks spectacular doing it. He’s the kind of person that they put on the cigarette ads to entice you into starting up. It’s obscene.

Mentally, Hux is far away, thinking again, drifting and he almost misses it when Ren asks, “You want to tell me about the divorce yet?” It takes him a minute to figure out what to say. He's never really talked about it with anyone.

“It was a clerical error.”

Ren looks at him as if trying to figure out if he’s joking or not.

“A friend set us up. I just kind of went along with it because it’s what you’re supposed to do in college….And I just never left. I thought about it. But it seemed like an okay thing. I’m not sure Finn even knew what he was doing either, honestly.”

“College? So you were together ten years and neither of you liked each other?”

“Oh. No. No no… PhD, PhD. We met while we were getting our doctorates. Christ. We dated like a year and were married a year and have been divorced a year.”

“Well. At least you’re consistent.”

Hux kind of smiles at that and shakes his head, “he wanted kids.”

“And you don’t?” Ren asks, turning so that he's leaning back against the railing of the bedroom balcony.

“No,” Hux says, cigarette precariously bouncing against his lip as he slides closer and presses against Ren, reaching up and pulling the cigarette away with a quick drag, “I want money and power and vacations.”

Ren makes a quiet sound and leans in, kissing Hux, slowly. There’s this heat building between them and Hux didn’t know that letting go of that ghost would put him in this kind of mood.

“Same…” Ren says, taking both their cigarettes and stubbing them out in the ash tray. As soon as he breathes out the last long stream of smoke, he’s inching them both back into the house, guiding Hux carefully over the threshold of his room and then pushing him back down into the bed.

“We should - we should close the blinds-“

“No,” Ren says, hitching them up until they’re in the middle of the bed. There’s only a couple of dim lamps on, but it’s enough and Hux knows that if someone were curious enough they could look right in and see them. “I don’t care if anyone sees me fucking you - you’re gorgeous.”

Hux blushes, the pink spreading down his neck as Ren smiles and unwraps part of the sheet Hux has himself in to bite and suck at his throat. Hux lets him, yanking his hands free so that he can get his fingers back into Ren’s hair, pulling a little as he closes his eyes.

When Ren speaks his words are more a low growl than actual speaking,“I bet you’re still stretched from earlier.”

“Are you -“ Hux starts and then stops, biting his lip as Ren shoves more of the sheet out of the way.

“You want me to tell you?” Ren asks, smile widening as he sits up, zips his hoodie off and kneels in between Hux’s thighs.

“Yeah, I like it when you talk dirty.”

Ren’s eyebrow goes up a bit and he reaches for Hux’s hand, bringing it to the bulge in the front of his pants.”I’m going to fuck you - just use extra lube to make it wet enough to just push into that tight little ass of yours.”

Hux’s mouth falls open and Ren rolls his hips, grinding against Hux’s hand, “is that what you want?”

“Shit-“ Hux pants and pushes onto his elbows, “yeah - yes. Yes.”

He didn’t think it was possible to be that turned on that quickly - but it is apparently. Ren doesn’t bother to go for anything fancy, just gets a condom on and does what he says he’d do. Fills Hux completely, takes his time and makes sure they’re both enjoying it. At some point he even manages to get Hux to cry out. This loud, hoarse sound that echoes in the room and that anyone nearby can hear. Hux claps a hand over his own mouth but Ren pulls it away.

“No. I want to hear you.”

“Fuck but- door open-“ Hux pants.

“I know. I want everyone to hear,” Ren purposely slows down and Hux starts scratching at his shoulders, “let everyone know how much you love getting fucked - how good you feel.”

Hux is straining against the covers, digging his short nails in and almost misses it when Ren whispers, “want to hear how good _I_ make you feel.”

It’s too much - every time he does this, loses himself in the moment, it’s so intense and overwhelming and such a horrible fucking idea. But he can’t stop it from happening.

And all it takes is a hushed, “come for me, Hux” and he’s doing just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Notes: 
> 
> * Hux/OMC: this goes by pretty quickly without a ton of detail but there's mentions of negotiation, safe words, being restrained, edged, bruised - again this is pretty vague but just in the off chance you don't want to read it, then skip. 
> 
> * Hux/Kylo: fairly tame. Ren pins his hand at one point, some dirty talk - pretty basic. 
> 
> Other Tags: 
> 
> * mentions of other couples, Phasma Is Our Queen, smoking cigarettes, mentions of past drug usage, mentions of past fights with Finn, their marriage gets explained in 100 words or less. 
> 
>  
> 
> Want to chat? Curious about what garbage i'm getting into? 
> 
>  
> 
> [My writing tumblr](http://parttimedouchebag.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS WEEK ON AS THE STARKILLER BASE TURNS: The weekend fallout; a trip back to the west coast; a run-in with the ex and poor decision making.

Hux has a really hard time on Sunday evening when they get back to the city. Ren helps him bring in the bags and alright, it’s kind of awkward. Hux wants to invite him to spend the night, or stay for dinner. It’s just that there’s no reason for him to be there. Hux doesn’t want sex, he wants someone to just go to bed with him. And yeah, they’ve done that but this is - he would be asking him to stay, just stay and that’d be the express purpose of him being there... to just comfort Hux. But after the weekend they've had it just feels different. 

“Do you live close by?” Hux asks, trying to move the entire thing forward. 

Ren shoulders his bag and rocks on his heels, “Not too far from here - I’ll get a cab though because I’m lazy.” 

“Can I get you an uber instead?” 

“Yeah, that’s - that’s fine - should I wait downstairs?” 

“What? No- of course not, who knows how busy it’ll be at this hour…” 

Hux pulls out his phone and starts scrolling through the app, “you’ll have to put in your address of course … uhm do you want a regular car… or! a black car…” Hux scrolls and puts in a random address to get pricing estimates. “Hm. of course - you want a black car, I’m going to get you a black car.” 

And then he feels Ren’s arms wrapping around him from behind and his phone is being slowly pried from his hand and tossed onto the couch. 

“What do you want?” Ren asks, resting his chin on Hux’s shoulder. 

Part of him wants to say 'spend the night alone' but that’s not what he wants, it’s what he _should_ want but… not what he actually wants. 

“Stay” Hux breathes out, trying to say it as quietly as possible in the hopes that keeping it just between them makes it less awful. 

Hux feels Ren’s arms tighten around him and then an equally quiet answer of: “I’ll stay.” 

Ren climbs in bed while Hux goes and brushes his teeth. The fact that it’s all so banal is what makes it all the more damning. 

“Why is this bed so flat,” Ren complains loudly as Hux walks through the room, still brushing his teeth, to grab his pajamas out of his bag. 

Making a growling sound, Hux goes back over to the bed and pulls the tooth brush out, “first off - idiot - **ALL** beds are _flat_.” 

“Okay well-“ Ren tries to sass, smirking at Hux. 

“Second. I told you the one at the beach house was meant to encourage sleeping.” 

Ren stretches out over more of the bed and starts slowly pulling all the pillows around himself, “all beds. All beds are supposed to help you sleep, not just your vacation house beds. Come on - can’t you just get like a mattress topper or something? This one is miserable compared to the beach house.” 

“You sure do whine a lot,” Hux mutters, stalking off to the bathroom again.

“If you had a less shitty bed, the whining would decrease by roughly 37% percent.” 

“Ugh.” 

When Hux comes back from the bathroom he looks down at Ren, folding his arms over his chest, “are you going to share?” 

“Maybe…” Ren grumbles, pushing up on his elbow and dragging the covers down until Hux realizes he’s almost completely naked. 

“Oh.” 

“Come here,” Ren demands with a low, gravelly voice, and Hux, absolute pillock that he is, obeys. 

*****

He oversleeps for the first time in his professional career and Jess has to scramble to rearrange his meetings. After the first stab of initial panic, he just … lays back down and lets Ren kiss in between his shoulder blades and maybe he takes a half day and doesn’t go in until after lunch. 

When he walks in, Jess starts to ask a million questions and stops short, smiling slowly and then just quietly laying the day’s files on his desk with a little pat to the top. 

“These are for you whenever you’re ready.” 

“That kind of cheek is completely unacceptable!” Hux calls after her. He catches her giving him the middle finger from the small of her back and wrinkles his nose. Goddamn her anyways - she knows she’s his favorite. 

*****

That night at home he calls Maz because of another billing error. 

“Sorry to call again, but... you only charged for the one evening but he was there for 3 well.. 4 technically. I wanted to make sure he was paid.” 

Maz snorts, “That’s how he invoiced it.” 

“Yes well it’s incorrect,” Hux says with a sigh. 

Maz makes what Hux thinks must be a disappointed sound, “I don’t change his invoices. You can take it up with him.” 

And, as is apparently their custom, the line goes dead. 

This time though, Hux can’t bring himself to ask Ren about the bill. 

He actually doesn’t ask Ren anything at all. He’s too nervous to contact him and talk to him about their usual day to day routines and how there's this potato of a woman in accounting that he'd like to strangle a lot of the time.... He felt something over the weekend that he hasn’t felt in a long tim and so he buries it the only way he knows how: avoidance. 

*****

Except, he can’t avoid things forever, and there’s a trip to San Francisco coming up. Every year, his company does this corporate retreat and you’re expected to bring a plus one if you have one. They do team building and there’s lots of meetings and dinners and honestly, it’s all shit that Hux really despises. He figured he would get away with just going on his own and drinking himself into a coma the whole time, but Jess had been talking about his ‘boyfriend’ and now there’s an expectation that he’ll bring someone. 

He could go with the old "oh, he couldn't get the time off work" but he also just doesn't want to spend a week in his old town alone and he’s inclined to not give up the whole I Have a Boyfriend charade just yet. The problem is... he doesn’t have time to find a boyfriend this late in the game and the closest thing he has is Ren. 

Just thinking about it makes him so nervous he could barf, he’d gotten turned down last time, but he has to at least try to make the call. 

“Yes, hello?” 

“Hi Maz…” 

“Brendol hello.” 

Hux takes a deep breath and swallows before he rushes the words out, “can I book Ren for a week in San Francisco?” 

“Dates?” 

Hux tries to process that and then says “ah, next.. next week? Friday to the following Friday?” 

“I’ll book him for you.” 

“Is that - is that all?” Hux asks, almost breathlessly because was it really that easy?

“That’s all. Goodnight.” 

He hears the dropped call sound and pulls the phone away to stare at it. 

Oh fuck it actually _worked_. 

Which means he has to see Ren again and all he can do is feel these monumentally stupid feelings for him that are all a bad idea. And now, now he has to spend a week with the man. 

And what’s worse, it’s going to be in the city that his ex lives in. 

So he decides to rip the bandaid off sooner rather than later and sends Ren a text first thing in the morning between meetings. 

Hux: _Just booked you with Maz … Can I call? it’s about your plane ticket._

Ren: _Sure, go ahead._

Ren picks up on the second ring and Hux feels immediately awkward. 

“This is going to sound creepy but I went to book our flights and... I need your name for the airline ticket - or, if that makes you uncomfortable I can give you my credit card and you can book it yourself.” 

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that-“

“I didn’t want to pry — uh and if we book the tickets together we can get adjacent seats.” Hux paces around his office, running fingers into his hair and biting his lip.

“You want to sit next to me on the plane?” Ren asks, his voice lowering.

“Well I thought it - no we don’t have to that’s-“ 

“Drink champagne together, hold hands and enjoy the in-flight entertainment.” 

Hux freezes and narrows his eyes, "Okay you’re being ridiculous now.” 

“Maybe join the mile high club…” and then Ren’s laughing and Hux groans. 

“Come on now…” 

“You can book my ticket….under one condition. You just can’t ever call me by my given name, deal?” 

Hux feels his face heat up but he nods, holding the phone a little tighter, his nerves lighting up.

“Is that a professional thing,” Hux asks. 

“No it’s personal I really don’t like my given name.” 

Hux tries to do the act casual thing, “Oh, oh good is it something hideously old fashioned? A family name or something?” 

“It’s a family name, not old fashioned but too many strings attached. It’s — it’s Ben Organa.” 

Hux nods to himself trying to place why the name sounds familiar but not wanting to come off as sketchy for knowing it, “that’s … that’s a very interesting name.” 

Ren sighs, “before you google it, yes my mom is the senator.” 

The light bulb in Hux’s head flickers and then blazes to life. “Your _MOM_ is Senator Organa!?” 

“Yes sh—“

“Dem, Florida, Senator Organa?!”

“Yes b—“ 

“Responsible for all those sweeping environmental reforms, Senator Organa?!"

“Yes… fucking - listen we can’t .. we can’t talk about this right now.” Ren’s voice is down to a hiss and Hux worries he’s interrupted something.

“Oh… oh shit okay. Wow wait. Okay. I have so many questions.” Hux’s mind starts reeling and he can’t figure out how to put the whole thing together but he manages to keep himself somewhat in line. “But we can .. we can talk later?”

“Well we have that six hour flight to sit next to each other on so… I’d say chances are high that after a few gin and tonics you could get a lot of information out of me.” 

“Noted. Okay then I’ll — Benjamin Organa for the ticket?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay let me go buy these - I’m worried about the flight selling out.” 

“Goodbye Hux~” 

“Bye Ren.” 

Hux hangs up with him and stares blankly out his window. His - no not his, there’s no belonging here - but, Ren is … Ren is Senator Organa’s son? She’s like a rockstar politician - there are memes about her online she’s so badass. Christ how.. how is that even - no. Maybe they just have the same name but they aren’t really related and Ren is just messing with him…

“General?” Jess pokes her head in and Hux hands over his corporate travel card.

“Can you book two first class seats to San Francisco for myself and m-my boyfriend?” 

“What name should I put on his ticket?” Jess asks, nonplussed as she pulls out her notebook and holds Hux’s card between her fingers. 

“Benjamin Organa.” 

Jess’s pen pauses on the paper, “that name is familiar.” 

“There’s a senator with the same name - it’s common apparently.” 

Jess squints at him but Hux just shrugs, fluttering his hands in a dismissive motion as he walks out the door to his meeting. 

“Also that facial hair is not working for you-“ 

“Noted - book my flights. Thank you.” Hux brushes her off, throwing open the door to his meeting. 

*****

The dilemma of the facial hair turns out to be a huge issue. Hux tries getting rid of it the following morning but in a rookie mistake he ends up cutting himself right on the throat and he panics. He’s not a man who enjoys the sight of blood. 

So, clearly the only thing to do is to grow a beard. Not that it makes him very popular in the office. 

“You could go and get it done somewhere professionally,” Jess comments, legs crossed, foot bouncing as she reads the too-bright text on her phone. 

“I don’t trust someone with a straight razor against my throat, you have got to be joking.” 

Jess rolls her eyes and gives him a look, “is there a hit out on you for war crimes or something?” 

Hux sighs deeply and scrubs his hands over his face before his fingers dip and are scratching into his beard. 

“Seriously do you want me to make you an appointment at Tweed or something?” 

“No! No I look fine. I don’t need a shave.“ 

“Mm… mm no,” Jess shakes her head, standing up out of the chair and scrolling through her contacts, “I’m scheduling you a trim - you look homeless and you can’t show up in San Francisco like this.” 

“Excuse me - I do not-“ 

“Did I stutter?” 

“What? Maybe?” 

“Good, then you heard it twice - I’m scheduling you an appointment,” Jess puts her free hand up to her ear and speaks into the phone this time. “Yes hi, I need to schedule a trim for my boss, his beard looks like something has taken up residence in it.” 

Hux makes a face and Jess pulls the door shut behind her with a sarcastic smile. 

*****

The afternoon of his flight, Ren meets him at the apartment with a rolling suitcase and a garment bag and they depart together. It’s completely mundane and they make jokes about the entire procedure of getting through Logan with any semblance of dignity. 

It’s towards the end of their flight that Hux finally gets up the nerve to ask about the whole ‘my-mom-is-a-famous-senator’ thing. 

“How do people not recognize you… for that matter how did _I_ not recognize you?” Hux asks, leaning back in his seat, his knees turned towards Ren as they sip on cocktails. It’s a hideously long flight and he plans to enjoy it. 

“Because I have Maz do extensive and very invasive background checks on people - and also there’s been no photos of me published for the past … oh… twelve? fifteen years?” 

Hux makes a noncommittal noise, “but people _know_ about you.”

"Well of course - they know about Leia’s son and how she’s worked hard to protect his privacy since she had very little growing up.” 

“So you live in relative anonymity…” Hux sips at his drink again and leans in closer, “it seems risky though - your line of work.. your moms work…” 

Ren snorts, “I could care less about her work - besides, if there’s a scandal about me she’d do her best to cover it up or completely distance herself from the whole debacle..she’s good at that.” 

“Sounds like experience speaking.” 

Ren rolls his eyes, “my father has quite a colorful background but how much have you heard about it?” 

“You have a father? I was wholly convinced you were just propagated from your mom’s cells like a succulent…” 

“Very funny,” Ren flags a passing air hostess and asks for a refill before leaning back towards Hux and pulling him forward for a kiss. “Just… no more talk about my parents.” 

“One last question.” 

Ren sighs, “fine, one last question.” 

“You were fairly cavalier with all this information about yourself… hasn’t anyone else taken advantage of this?” 

Their refills arrive and Ren takes a long drink of it before he says, “you’re the only person I’ve told anything to.” 

Hux chuckles and shakes his head, “oh, you’re good.” But the humor is short lived when Ren’s fingers are hooked against his shirt collar, pulling him close and breathing hot over his ear. 

“I’m not lying to you.” 

“I-“ 

The fasten seatbelt sign comes on and Ren sits back, giving Hux a heated look. 

Thank fuck they’re landing. 

It’s late enough that when they check into the hotel they both pass out. Hux thinks traveling is exhausting and is grateful that Ren immediately agrees. There’s probably part of his brain that’s shouting about ‘don’t cuddle for fuck’s sake’ but he promptly ignores it because Ren is warm and taking up half the bed and Hux is _weak._

*****

They have a lie-in until Hux is reasonably sure they can go get brunch somewhere. 

“I was thinking about this crepe place I used to go to…” Hux says, rolling so that he’s pressed along Ren’s side. “It’s definitely a cab ride from here but I assure you, it’s worth it.” 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Ren says, running his fingers through Hux’s hair, scratching at the base of his skull. “Come on - we should probably go that way now or else I’ll find a reason to stay in bed.” 

“Well there’s also that welcome dinner tonight that we have to go to,” Hux grumbles, pushing himself up out of the bed. “Black tie, though…” 

“Mm, I can’t be angry about that because I have a sinking suspicion you probably look incredible in a tux.” 

“I am quite devastating,” Hux says, digging around in his luggage for something casual. 

“I would never suggest otherwise.” 

When they get there, predictably, there’s a line and Hux falls in next to Ren, glancing at the menu to see if anything has changed significantly, make sure they still have his favorites. He’s only half paying attention after they’ve placed their orders when he looks around and then immediately pales. 

“Oh God… oh _fuck_ ,” Hux hisses and pulls a hand up over his face, trying to keep from being noticed. 

Ren looks startled, reaching out and resting a hand on Hux’s arm and looking around, “What? What? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine shit hand me the menu I need to _hide_ ,” Hux whispers, grabbing for the plastic coated paper in Ren’s hands.

“Are you - what is this, are you in hiding? Did you commit a war crime or something?”

“ _Why_ does everyone ask that??” 

“Shit - Bren?” 

Ren turns first and sees a man at the bar looking shocked, a newly made cappuccino in hand that he immediately sets right back down. He’s attractive, has gorgeous dark skin, a smile that could knock you on your ass - it’s just how Hux remembers him. 

“Bren what - I didn’t know you were back!” 

“Ha ha. You caught me….” Hux says, voice shaking. 

“What are you doing here!” Finn launches himself at Hux and Hux wraps his arms around him, hugging him in the middle of what had been his favorite crepe place but is now rapidly becoming a hell hole that he never wants to come back to. Ever. “And this - what’s this beard, that’s a good look for you!” 

Hux self consciously pulls away and rubs at it, “Just been busy getting ready for the trip and sort of kept - uhm, whatever, I’m here… here for work and wanted to get crepes - my favorite?” 

“That’s so great,” Finn’s enthusiasm is the kind that on anyone else would play fake but he’s just genuinely a nice person and he holds Hux back at arms length and then falters. “Oh — oh shit I’m sorry, sorry, Hux this - this is my fiancé, Poe.” 

“Hi!” Poe steps up looking egregiously handsome and Hux feels knots in his belly, “it’s so good to meet you - you should’ve told us you were coming out here we would’ve had dinner at our place.” 

“Are you here much longer?” Finn interjects. “We could still make it happen!” 

“N - no it’s fine, it’s a work do so I’m pretty booked every night…but Poe, so nice to meet you and thank you for the invitation.” 

“And hi, hi who’s this!” Finn sticks himself around Hux where Ren is standing looking comically amused by everything transpiring in front of him. “Are you one of Hux’s coworkers?” 

“Ha - ha no this is uh my uh-“

Hux watches Ren step forward, rolling his eyes as he pushes his sunglasses up into his hair, “Hi I’m Ben, Ben Organa, I’m his boyfriend.” 

There’s a flicker of recognition as Finn takes his hand to shake it, “Ben, so good to meet you! Bren! How did I not know you had a boyfriend?” Finn’s smile is genuine and completely enthusiastic. It’s nauseating.. but possibly only to Hux. 

“Probably because I forgot to put it on the Facebook.” 

Ren scoffs, “excuse him, he’s ninety years old and a hermit. It’s a pleasure to meet you Finn, Poe.” 

They shake hands, they’re amicable and Hux can hear the Kill Bill sirens going off in his head just watching the exchange. How is this happening, how is this real life? 

“Organa? Isn’t that the US Senator?” Poe asks. 

“Yeah, she’s my mother,” Ren says casually with a shrug. 

“I didn’t know she had a son - she was the Grand Marshall for pride in Orlando a couple of years back!” Finn interjects.

“She tries to give me a lot of privacy so I don’t get stalked by photographers.” 

Poe nods, “I can imagine she’d want that for you after she grew up in the public eye.” 

Hux watches this exchange with something akin to abject horror but he just can’t quite form the words to protest. It’s like he’s frozen on the spot and Ren’s doing absolutely nothing to break the whole spell surrounding this little chit chat. Hux looks over to Finn and Finn just gives him a helpless smile and whispers “Poe loves Leia - she’s his idol, really.” 

Hux smiles in a manic kind of way and turns into Ren’s chest like he’s trying to hide there, cutting short whatever he and Poe had been discussing. 

“Sorry - We were just going to grab our stuff to go - we have some big evening dinner to attend,” Ren says, wrapping an arm around Hux’s waist with a laugh. “Sorry to be so rude.” 

“It was so good to see you, seriously,” Finn is smiling at them, beaming and being as wonderful as he’s always been. 

“Thanks, it was good to see you too - maybe we can catch up soon?” Hux offers with a kind of hollow resignation.

“Also that invitation to the house is a standing one,” Poe interjects. 

“Thanks - thanks that’s lovely.” 

“Good to meet you both,” Ren says, squeezing Hux closer as they part ways. Their order number gets called and Ren grabs their bag and ushers Hux out while Hux gets them a car. 

Before he can even request an uber, Ren is hailing a passing cab for them. They clamber in and as soon as Ren gives the driver the hotel address, he’s pulling Hux against him and asking quietly, “are you okay?” 

“I .. I want to get rid of this beard.” 

Ren barks a laugh and then tries to calm himself, forcing a neutral expression on his face, “is it because Finn liked it?” 

“Yes - I want it - we’re getting _rid of it_.” 

“What if I like it?” 

Hux gives him a helpless look and Ren has to put a hand over his mouth to stifle the laughter that’s about to come out and Hux is torn between murdering him and kissing him for being a real person through this. 

“Okay.. okay I get it… shh… it’s okay we’ll shave it off okay.” 

Ren wraps an arm around Hux's shoulders and pulls him close as the cab returns them downtown and to their hotel. Hux can still feel Ren's laughter though and the surprising part is, it’s soothing. 

*****

After eating lunch, Hux is in the bathroom trying to give himself a pep talk about shaving. He’s still too full of nerves, maybe even mores after running into Finn and Poe. So as soon as he has the razor poised at his cheek bone, he has to stop and put it back down on the side of the sink, head hanging in defeat.

Ren clears his throat from he doorway and Hux looks up giving Ren a pleading look. 

“Did you want help with that?” 

There’s only a slight almost imperceptible nod, but it’s all Ren needs.

“Turn around.” 

Hux does as he’s told, turning and then hopping so that he’s sitting on the counter of the vanity. Ren steps in between Hux’s legs and reaches over to run the tap. He's so huge and just gangly but the way he moves around Hux is cautious, almost graceful. 

“Just — just be careful please the whole thing that started this was me being an idiot and cutting my own throat.” 

“Do you want to help me?” Ren asks, picking the razor up and letting Hux hold it. “You can hold it, I’ll just guide it, alright?” 

“I don’t know…” Hux can feel the blade shake slightly against his skin and Ren’s hand covers his, steadying it. 

“Just like this, alright.” 

His voice is low and close, soothing and gentle. Hux shuts his eyes and just focuses on the scrape of the razor, the sound it makes when Ren takes it and taps it clean in the sink before returning it to him. He’s pretty sure his breathing has changed, getting more shallow as this whole thing goes on. He didn’t think that someone else doing his shaving could be this intimate but it is. Maybe it has something to do with the potential for danger. 

“I’m going to do your neck for you okay?” 

Hux makes a whining sound and Ren shushes him.

“Just look at me - watch me. Tilt your head up.” And with the most careful, light pressure, Ren drags the razor down, his eyes flicking back and forth between his work and Hux’s eyes. 

“Almost done, you’re doing so well.” 

Hux has to put a hand on Ren’s hip to steady himself and the tidal wave of bizarre emotion that starts washing up inside him. But he focuses enough to get through shaving off his goddamn beard. Little by little, the pale skin underneath is revealed and after a particularly nerve wracking moment over his adam’s apple, it’s done.

Rinsing and setting the razor aside, Ren puts a warm wash cloth under the tap and wrings it out before carefully wiping Hux’s face off for him - cleaning up any errant shaving cream until he’s as smooth as he usually is. Hux sits there … dazed… for lack of a better word, just looking up at Ren and waiting for it all to be revealed as a trick. 

But it’s not. None of it is and Ren is there - solidly there. 

“Well as much as I liked the beard on you, I’m quite fond of this face,” Ren says, setting down the wash cloth and cupping Hux’s face in his hands so he can kiss him. 

When he pulls back Hux blinks at him, “I do look nice clean shaven.” 

“Mm you do but you gave me that blowjob this morning and I kind of liked the added scruff.” 

Hux ignores the way his face heats up and slides off the counter, trying to avoid rubbing up against Ren as much as he can, not that it’s easy. “We should start getting ready for the welcome dinner.” 

“Ooh, are you going to put on your tux for me?” Ren says, wrapping an arm around Hux and dragging him back to nose into his hair. 

“You have to wear one too!” Hux protests. 

“I know but I’m really looking forward to seeing you in yours.” His breath is hot over Hux’s ear and the whole thing is a ridiculous and awful turn on. He drags himself away from Ren's grabby hands and goes to get his garment bag, shutting himself into the bathroom with it.

***** 

Hux had opted for white just to be contrary and because he’s young enough that he can get away with it and it’s cheeky, not a faux pas. Besides, he likes the way it looks against his hair and freckles. He knows what he looks good in and he’s not too afraid to play to that strength. And … maybe there’s definitely a part of him that wants to show off for Ren. 

Black shirt, black bow tie, black shoes but the rest… white. 

He carefully styles his hair back out of his face, and then takes a minute before opening the door. It’s just a date .. not-date… sort of date? 

He has to take a full moment to appreciate the scene in front of him once he opens the door. Ren is standing in front of the window, pouring himself a glass of champagne and staring down at what must be the pool. He looks like he belongs in a photo shoot and Hux's heart feels funny. 

“There’s some guy that looks like Bernie from Weekend at Bernies down there it’s incr…edible.” Ren’s voice trails off as he looks at Hux and stares. Hux can feel the weight of his gaze and he stands there, shifting back and forth and pushing his hands into his pockets. 

“I’m glad you wore black - it would’ve been awkward if we’d both showed up in white.” 

Ren sets the glass of champagne down and sidles across the room - a slow and almost stalking movement as he encroaches into Hux’s space, lining up against him so their chests are brushing and his hands are pressing at Hux’s lapels, down his sleeves. 

“Look at you…” 

“Quite an upgrade from the pajamas hm?” Hux asks, tilting his head a little and just enjoying the feel of Ren breathing against his jaw and sliding his hands just under Hux’s jacket and yanking their hips together. 

“I’m torn,” Ren says, letting his lips brush against Hux’s freshly shaved cheek, “do I want to show you off at this work event, or do I want to keep you here and watch you ride me until you come without being touched?” 

Hux groans and leans into Ren’s chest, “I have a preference.” 

“Mm but didn’t work pay for this trip.” His hands have slipped down and are gripping Hux’s ass and that’s not making things any easier. 

“Maybe? I don’t know I can’t read suddenly…” 

Ren squeezes a little and then steps back, going to fetch the champagne and bringing it back to Hux, pouring him some and then clinking the glasses together. 

“To you," Ren says. 

*****

And maybe, _maybe_ they skip out on half the dinner. Hux claims he feels a bit sick from lunch and a lot of people are very concerned as he excuses himself and Ren looks suitably distressed about the whole thing. But as soon as he’s gotten them outside and Ren is giving him a Concerned Look as he tries to find someone at the cab stand, Hux grabs him. 

“We can get you back to the hotel and -“ Ren says, trying to be soothing and calm.

“I’m fine,” Hux says, "Seriously I was faking it I just didn’t want to be in that damn dinner anymore.” 

Ren pauses and looks him up and down, “Oh - wait you aren’t sick?” 

“No not even a little.” Hux pulls his jacket down, checking to make sure that the exact 1/4 inch of sleeve is showing when Ren hooks a hand against his elbow and pulls him towards a newly acquired cab. 

“Well if you’re not sick then... there’s a big party down in Castro-“ 

“How do you even _know_ that?” Hux asks. 

“I asked around. People said it was a good time so…” 

Hux sighs and looks at the cab and then looks over at Ren. “We aren’t dressed for a club party.” 

“If anyone asks, I’ll say you’re the son of a senator and I’m your security detail.” 

“Oh that’s cheeky…” Hux huffs out - but doesn’t reject the idea. 

Ren slides across the bench seat of the car and waits for Hux to join him before he leans in close, kissing behind Hux’s ear, “let me help you forget this, okay?” 

Hux turns his face enough for Ren to grab his chin and force their mouths together. It tastes like red wine and poor decision making but Hux melts into it, sliding a hand along Ren’s thigh. 

“It’ll be great…” Ren says, planting a soft kiss on Hux’s cheek, leaving an arm over his shoulders until the cab reaches their destination. Hux tries to keep his mind blank, which it turns out is surprisingly easy to do when you’re attempting to avoid any kind of emotional turmoil. 

When the car rolls to a stop in front of a loud club, Hux comes back to his senses and feels slightly ridiculous. 

“I don’t — I don’t know about this it looks crowded and there’s a line…” 

“Uh-uh we’re going in,” Ren nudges him out of the car and Hux goes, trying to determine when he got so used to being bossed around by other people. 

This is _probably_ Phasma’s fault. 

“Come on. They’re playing my song,” Ren says, hustling Hux out onto the sidewalk and completely bypassing the line to get in by handing over some cash. 

“Your song?” 

“Tik Tok by Kesha.”

“Wait really?” Hux stops and pulls Ren aside, “ _really_?”

“Alright no, it’s Africa by Toto but I still love Kesha.” 

Hux just shakes his head, “who _are_ you?” 

“Right now? Right now I’m your boyfriend, Ben,” Ren is standing too close, having to half shout the words over the music as he corners Hux, "and I want to publicly grind on you in this club and make a lot of single men very jealous.” 

“Fuck.” Hux yells. 

“That too - though maybe with a few less people watching, unless you want them to watch, in which case… yes.” 

Hux turns red and Ren pulls them fully out into the dance floor that seems to move all on its own.. and then it doesn’t matter if he’s blushing or screaming or anything. He’s just another anonymous face here. They both are. Which is maybe what he’s been missing in his life - being able to be himself with someone in a crowd of people and only caring what that other person thinks. 

If everyone else in this bar hates him, he really doesn’t give a fuck, but if Ren hates him - then it’s a deal breaker and he’d do anything to make that not be the case. But if the way Ren holds him and moves against him is any indication, Hux is fairly certain that Ren definitely _doesn’t_ hate him. He’s also not entirely sure that what they’re doing is even dancing - it’s more like coordinated, stand-up foreplay and that’s really okay. 

After a couple of shots and more than an hour of “no no wait I love this song” they stumble into a VIP booth. Hux throws off his jacket and untucks his shirt, tossing his bowtie onto the table and ordering champagne and shots because if he’s going to be hungover tomorrow it’s gonna be worth it. 

When he turns away from the waiter, Ren has apparently decided to have no shirt on and Hux is suddenly incredibly aware of people looking at Ren. Like he can see them, the eyes that drag over those broad shoulders and the thickly muscled arms and Hux feels possessive. It’s probably the jager talking but he wants that to just belong to him. 

But what makes it all evaporate is the way that Ren is staring at _him_ \- how with every pair of eyes in the room glued to his perfect physique, Ren can only seem to look at Hux. To hell with everything. 

“Kiss me,” Hux shouts and Ren is there without hesitation - pressing him back against the booth and holding him with one hand on the side of his neck to keep him in place. It’s perfect - the thumb stroking his jaw and his cheek, Ren tilting his face to one side and then the other, deepening it until Hux is running his hands down Ren’s stomach. 

Ren draws back as Hux’s fingers come into contact with the waistband of his pants and Hux stares up at him, thumbing over the button of his slacks. 

Ren gives him a look that essentially lights the funeral pyre of Hux’s better judgement, “have you ever had public sex?” 

“No,” Hux says - his voice sounding like it’s far away and underwater as every bit of blood rushes south to make it known that while he’s not done it he’s apparently REALLY interested in it. 

“I don’t have a condom,” Ren says, and Hux knows he should say no, but instead his brain fires off something else.

“I’m clean -“ Hux says, the words going directly into Ren’s mouth, “are you?”

“Yes, yes I’m - Hux I want to taste you.” Ren groans, biting down hard on Hux’s lip and pushing at Hux’s legs to spread them.

“Okay,” Hux says, completely out of it. 

They’re in the darkest corner of the bar, the lights are flashing everywhere and Ren is sliding down under the table without another word, looking up at Hux as he settles between his spread thighs. Which… really they should probably stop, anyone could come over but Hux has really awful impulse control and all he can think about is making sure everyone there knows exactly who Ren belongs to, and it turns out that after a lot of alcohol, that person is him. Ren belongs to _him_. 

And it’s … amazing. Ren pulling him out of his pants, licking his cock from base to tip and sucking on just the head to start as his tongue works against Hux’s slit and one hand jerks off what he’s not taking in. The music is loud, the bass making the booth vibrate and Hux is completely lost in the sensations. He’s running one hand into his own hair, keeping it out of his face - the other one flexing and grabbing at Ren’s shoulders. Every sound that he makes is lost in the thrum of the music and he’s as loud as he wants to be. Uninhibited and probably just this side of desperate. It doesn't take him long to be right on the edge - the thrill of perhaps getting caught, of the fact that Ren is the one doing this to him... 

He looks down and Ren is looking up at him, staring and watching Hux and Hux knows he can read his lips when he says “close”. 

Ren squeezes his thighs and bobs his head, sucking Hux off faster and with the same skill as ever. Hux grabs at the back of Ren’s neck and comes suddenly and so hard he lets his head thud back into the wall. 

He can feel Ren moan, the vibrations making Hux jerk backwards, oversensitive and shaking as Ren swallows around him and then pulls off, tucking Hux back in with a smug look. 

He doesn’t say anything, just slides up out from under the table and pins Hux back into the booth, kissing him again, letting Hux taste himself and fuck it’s everything he wanted. 

Pulling Ren closer, he has to still half-shout, “what about you?” 

Ren smiles, stealing another soft kiss and mumbling right against Hux’s ear, “I want to come buried inside you back in the hotel room.” 

It is without question the best night of his fucking life.

“Yes.” 

*****

Hux's phone rings at what he thinks is an ungodly hour, but he probably only feels that way because of how late they were out last night. 

“I can’t believe you were here and you didn’t even _tell_ me,” Phasma half-shouts into the phone. 

Hux props himself up, pushing his hair out of his face and then lays back down when Ren’s arm over his hips tightens. “It’s a work trip?” 

Hux’s voice is rough from sleep and half hoarse because of the night before and he swears he can feel Ren smirking against his shoulder. 

“And you still couldn’t schedule one lunch with your best friend?” 

“Well I can _now_ … how did you know I was here?” Hux asks, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with the heel of one palm. 

Phasma is rolling her eyes, he can tell by the tone of her voice, that’s how well he knows her, “Finn posted that he ran into you on Facebook.” 

“Of _course_ he did,” Hux grits out. 

Ren’s hand is rubbing up and down his chest and Hux tries to relax back against him. 

“He said your ~boyfriend is cute,” Phasma says, teasing. 

Hux pulls the phone away from his ear and turns his head towards Ren, “hello, Phasma says it’s going around that my ‘boyfriend' is cute.” 

“I _heard_ because your phone volume is set at ‘I’m 80 and Live in Boca Raton and Play Shuffleboard',” Ren says, voice almost a growl. 

Phasma laughs, “I like him.” 

“Thank you,” Ren says with a cheerful lilt that sounds menacing because his current vocal range seems stuck somewhere between: predatory and Daddy. 

“So. Lunch, it’s happening yes?” Phasma asks. 

“Yeah sure… I'm free around 1? Want to meet me in the finance district?” 

“No no, bring Ben.” 

“I don’t know if he wants-“ Hux starts.

“I’d be happy to,” Ren interjects, sinking his teeth into Hux’s shoulder on top of, what has to be, a spectacular bruise. 

“NNnn yep- yep okay. I’ll bring him.” 

“Oh my… well, enjoy your lie-in young man, I’ll see you at 1.” 

“Bye thanks- bye.” 

Hux ends the call and then moans when Ren rolls him over and slides on top of him. 

“Good morning,” Ren says, pressing Hux into the pillows as he kisses him, opening Hux's mouth with his tongue. It should be disgusting - morning breath and all but Hux is too blissed out to care. 

Ren pulls back with a smirk and then makes a face as he brushes a thumb over a spot on Hux’s neck that makes Hux flinch. “That’s a little higher than your collar can cover, I’m sorry to say.” 

Hux raises an eyebrow, “you don’t _seem_ sorry about this.” 

Ren's expression is completely smug when he says, “I’m really not.” 

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kylo/Hux public sex (unprotected blowjob in a bar)   
> *mentions of another blowjob but not explicit  
> *THE EX


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the end of the trip and some things just don't have an easy resolution. 
> 
> There is explicit sex in this chapter and it's a little harder than their uh... previous encounters. So you may want to briefly scan the tags before continuing. I'm putting them up here since I feel like some of the things included may not be the cup of tea of some people. 
> 
> Warnings for: 
> 
> * possessive sex  
> * enthusiastic consent  
> * unprotected sex  
> * light choking (no full-on asphyxiation, more throat-holding but JUST in case)  
> * light bondage (hands bound with clothing/accessory)  
> * spanking  
> * probably some poor decision making all around  
> * dirty talk  
> * Hux just barely in subspace and loving it
> 
> I think .. that's it... lmk if there are other things I should tag for.

The thing about lunch with Phasma is that she can see through Hux immediately and she doesn’t take any bullshit. So showing up with an escort that he hasn’t exactly told her that he’s been seeing regularly is a dangerous proposition. He has a lot of fantasies about the entire thing going absolutely tits up in record time. Ren will spill the beans, Phasma will be able to tell that they’re in some kind of business casual relationship… Phasma will know him because they used the same service… oh God what if he’s slept with Phasma…. The worst part is, he can’t really tell Ren about this because that raises a lot of questions that they don’t answer and that they _can’t_ answer. 

It’s one thing to run into Finn, who only ever knew part of who Hux was, but Phasma is probably his closest friend and confidant. She’s so tall because she’s full of secrets and about half of those are secrets that relate directly to Hux. 

Except … nothing goes wrong. Ren is funny and engaging and makes inappropriate jokes that Phasma loves and by the end of it, Phasma is showing him pictures on her phone of Hux completely shit faced at her last birthday party. But afterwards, when they’re leaving the restaurant and Ren excuses himself to the restroom, Phasma pulls him aside and smiles. 

“He’s really good to you.” 

And now - right now is exactly when Hux should be admitting the truth - that Ren is an escort, that he’s paid to be here that he’s so confused about his feelings and how Ren keeps not billing him and telling him personal details and .. and… 

“Yeah. He’s pretty incredible.” 

Phasma smiles and pulls him into a hug that’s about 60% brutal affection that Hux thinks might be giving him more bruising. 

“Keep him.” 

Hux deflates completely and puts his arms back around Phasma, holding the back of her shirt like a temporary lifeline to sanity. 

“I want to.” 

*****

The level of charm that Ren exudes at every possible event where his presence is required makes Hux almost suspicious. There’s something in the back of his mind that keeps up the constant hum of “don’t forget he’s a professional.” It was one of the first things that Ren had ever told him: nothing could shock him. And so far, nothing _had_ shocked him. Nothing that Hux had asked for or invited him into had made Ren stand back and say no and that was the worst part. Was it something he was really into? Or was he just doing it for the money? If they had just met in a bar, would it have been different? 

It’s not that Hux thinks he’s ever asked Ren to do something that made him uncomfortable, and he’s fairly certain if he had that Ren is confident enough that he’d say no. But maybe there’s things that he doesn’t like...

Everyone at the work events really loves him and Hux forgets. He honest to god forgets that Ren’s not his boyfriend. It’s too easy to fall into the easy act of being real. Ren holds his hand, brings him a drink, kisses him on the cheek, gives him knowing looks when no one else is paying attention and it’s so good. 

The persona Hux has at work is a thin veneer that’s easily cracked by Ren’s presence. He always has a refill, pulls out a chair, and when no one else is looking - he’s kissing Hux. A soft, fragile touch of lips to the sensitive skin by his ear like they’re sharing some secret; which, in fairness, they are. Several secrets. 

They drink just a little champagne at the last dinner of the trip and Hux considers getting absolutely hammered but Ren seems on edge and Hux wants to be sober for that. It’s probably nothing, or maybe it’s wearing on him - the whole fake relationship aspect. Even if Ren makes exceptions for him, there’s still the nagging feeling in the back of Hux’s mind that it’s not something that Ren _does_. 

Well… not for anyone but him. 

Hux straightens in his seat and turns to find Ren watching him. 

“Do you want to leave?” 

“Mm, just have to stay to the closing toast.” 

Ren leans over and Hux can feel the heat of him this close. He feels a little delirious, and he isn’t sure if it’s the stress of the events, or the confusion of the relationship with Ren or knowing that it’s going to end as soon as they deplane in Boston. 

“Lets leave early,” Ren says, a hand on Hux’s thigh, “I want you to myself.” 

It’s a tone that Hux hasn’t heard before, something dark and deep that winds around his chest and squeezes tight. Without hesitation he’s standing up and excusing them from the party - slipping out a back door and into one of many waiting cars. 

The ride back to the hotel is quiet but the tension is so thick that Hux can feel it like the weight of Ren’s hands on his body when they’re together. He starts to wonder if maybe Ren is just as confused as he is - that maybe he’s as torn and indecisive and unsure. 

Maybe this isn’t just him. 

When the heavy door of the hotel room slides shut with an audible thud, Ren flips the bolt and stalks towards Hux. 

His jacket hits the floor and when he yanks his tie free it gets the same treatment. Hux is transfixed - watching shirtsleeves rolled up to elbows and he tries to frantically kick his shoes and socks off and discards his jacket and loosens his bow tie… but before Hux can get any further, Ren is grabbing him with a hand on the back of his neck. 

Their lips collide and Hux moans, hands grabbing at the front of Ren’s shirt as if that can anchor him there, can hold him steady. His mind is racing and the only thing that seems to bring calm to his thoughts is how Ren touches him, how he lights his skin on fire and keeps Hux from burning alive at the same time. 

Ren pulls him down to the bed and lets Hux stretch over his lap - straddling his hips with his shirt untucked and pushed up around his chest. There’s a frantic moment where their hands are everywhere at once and then Ren is slowing down - he’s moving with purpose and all that tension and heat from earlier finds focus. 

Ren has Hux - a hand between his shoulder blades and the other holding Hux by the jaw. Long fingers mapped against the bones just beneath pale skin, charting the reactions as Hux sluggishly catches up to where they’re going. 

But it hits him, finally and like a ton of bricks. 

“You’ve been holding back,” Hux whispers. 

“I have been - I didn’t want to scare you - I …” Ren swallows and Hux is watching the way his eyelashes flutter on his cheek and how determined he looks this close. 

“Tell me-“ Hux begs. 

“I want to let go with you - I don’t want to ask for everything… I just want to take it from you.” It’s almost a growl and Hux can feel his heart rabbiting around in his chest. 

“Why?” Hux half-croaks. 

Ren’s fingers slide down and he lets his hand rest against Hux’s throat as he leans in and whispers against his ear, “I want to fuck you like you’re mine. I want it to hurt so that tomorrow you can’t forget me.” 

Hux’s mouth opens and he can’t even speak - his whole body is lit up with wanting this so fucking much and the only thing that makes him focus is the way Ren’s fingers tighten on his throat. 

“Are you scared?” Ren asks, his nose pressed to Hux’s cheek. It should be vaguely threatening and it should definitely raise a lot of red flags… but none of that is happening. Running his hands over Ren’s chest, and then down to rest on his waist, Hux finally looks him in the eyes. 

“Fuck me like you own me.” 

Ren makes a low sound, a growl, a moan - something, but it’s so raw and completely real that Hux feels like he’s had the wind knocked out of him. When Ren kisses him, the way he does it is unlike anything Hux has felt from him before. This deep, possessive, searing hot thing that boils in his chest and makes his skin feel too tight. 

“If you say stop - if you use your safe word-“ 

“Do you even _know_ my safe word?” 

Ren smiles, pressing his forehead to Hux’s, “Shell Game.” 

“I-“

“It was in your file. I’ve never read someone’s information that closely before,” Ren admits, “I saw your picture, I read your bio, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” 

“Ren-“ Hux’s voice breaks on it and everything feels like it’s too much. 

“I’ve never wanted to please someone like I want to please _you_.” 

Ren lets go of Hux’s throat and pulls the loosened tie out of his shirt collar before stripping the shirt all the way off and yanking Hux’s hands forward to bind them using the bow tie. Hux has to breathe through it - the soft caress of fingers over the expensive fabric as it digs ever so slightly into his wrists. Ren reaches back and shoves, forcing Hux’s pants down until just his ass is exposed. It makes it feel more illicit - being only partially clothed and Hux almost misses it when one, big hand is cupping him, and then just lightly popping him. It’s the sound of it that jerks him back to reality, a sharp gasp as he looks up at Ren. He’s not asking - he’s just giving but Hux knows he can control it. 

“Harder,” Hux groans. 

“If you want it harder then you’re going to have to get off my lap,” Ren is smirking and Hux just nods - trying to squirm away with his hands bound and his legs trapped in his half-on, half-off pants. But he manages, almost falling into the mattress on his hands and knees which is apparently just how Ren wanted him because as soon as he’s there, Ren spanks him, hard. 

“Ah!” Hux cries out and then buries his face in the covers, pushing his ass up in the air and muffling the sound of his moans as Ren’s hand comes down again and again. It’s three hits in quick succession - so hard that it stings immediately. It has to make Ren’s hand burn but he doesn’t stop - just strokes over Hux’s ass, feeling the hot flesh before drawing back and evening up the red handprints he’s leaving behind. 

Every time Hux gets quiet the hits come harder and faster - but when his cries echo in the room there’s soothing touches, the soft caress of fingers over his tingling skin. At some point he may have started begging, his voice hoarse with need as he pants out ‘please’ on repeat. It’s the not knowing if he’ll be relieved that makes it a heightened experience - being unsure if Ren will give him what he wants. But knowing for certain that he will get what he _needs_. 

Ren yanks Hux’s pants the rest of the way off and then pulls him to kneeling on the bed. 

“You’re beautiful like this,” Ren says, running a hand down the length of Hux’s spine. Hux can feel the weight of the look on his skin and he shudders, tipping his head back and flexing. 

“You like what you see?” Hux asks, looking over his shoulder, eyes blown wide with pleasure.

“Yeah, I do,” Ren says, pressing up against the length of Hux’s back and Hux can feel how hard he is through his slacks. Hux can feel Ren taking himself out - the scratch of fabric over his raw skin and the exquisite counterpoint of Ren’s cock as he frees it and lets it press and slide along Hux’s ass. 

“Are you going to fuck me like this?” 

Ren smiles, the curve of his lips pressed into Hux’s shoulder as his arms wrap around his chest and stroke over his stomach. 

“I might.” 

He leaves, letting Hux kneeling there on the edge of the mattress. When Ren returns, he drops a condom and lube on the bedspread where Hux can see and then rests his hands on Hux’s hips. 

“Spread your legs for me.” 

It takes maneuvering but Hux manages, letting Ren steady him and keep him upright. It feels more intimate than he thought it could be, and letting himself be completely at Ren’s mercy like this isn’t something he thinks he could do with anyone else. 

“Good boy.” 

Hux shivers and watches as Ren reaches for the lube. The room is just quiet enough that Hux can hear the cap open and close and he can tell by the delay that Ren is warming it first. Slippery fingers trail down and then around his entrance, teasing at first until they’re pushing in and Hux is swaying slightly until Ren grabs his hip again to steady him. 

“Easy…that’s it,” Ren says, voice low and closer than Hux thought he was, his mouth hovering next to Hux’s ear before it’s moving down and Hux can feel the heat against his neck. Ren is tactile and careful - taking his time as he fingers Hux open and trails wet, open kisses along his shoulder. The pace is slow again, compared to how fast and hard it was earlier. Still, Hux doesn’t complain, he revels in it, enjoys it as Ren stretches him. 

He’s relaxing, not just around Ren’s fingers but into this whole arrangement, letting go of how he’s supposed to act and what he thinks he should feel. It's drifting there in a comfortable haze of being completely taken care of - of feeling safe - subspace or very close to it. There’s a moment where he doesn’t even notice that Ren has pulled his fingers free but the sound of foil tearing brings him around and he frowns, turning quickly. 

“Wait - wait Ren!” 

“Hm?” Ren pauses and leans in kissing Hux’s cheek, “are you okay?” 

“I’m - it’s fine but don’t,” Hux struggles and groans, remembering that he’s bound, “I don’t - I don’t want to use protection I want - I want to feel you.” 

“Hux….” Ren sets the open condom aside and moves so that his hands are splayed over Hux’s hips and he can press close, his hard cock digging against Hux’s ass. “Fuck… fuck, you know we shouldn’t.” 

“I know but please… please please ,” Hux begs, his breathing getting sharp and erratic. He knows it’s a bad idea, he knows it’s risky but it’s all he wants. It makes him feel like it’s important - like this isn’t just playing a game or acting a part - that it’s real and he’s aching for it. 

“Christ…” Ren has to stop, pressing his forehead to Hux's shoudler, letting his cock drag over Hux’s crack and when it slips back and teases just against the rim of Hux’s stretched hole… Hux moans, shifting his hips back to try and take him. There’s a slight stretch and then Ren is jerking back and then shifting close again to bite at Hux's shoulder. 

“I want it - I want to feel you -“ Hux whispers. 

“Are you sure?” 

Hux whines and turns his head so he can nose against Ren’s hair, “I thought you weren’t going to ask what I wanted you’d just take it…” 

“You know why I’m asking,” Ren says, voice low and suddenly dangerous. 

Hux closes his eyes and bites his lip. “I haven’t - with anyone else - not since the divorce.” 

He feels Ren’s fingers dig at his hip and Hux makes a quiet sound. 

“Say it again,” Ren demands quietly. 

“I want to feel you,” Hux says, barely over a whisper and he can feel the slight shake of Ren’s hands on his body and Hux decides to go for it. “I want to feel you come inside me."

There’s not another warning or another question - just the slip of Ren shoving in bare, the sensation of skin on skin. 

“God!” Hux yelps almost falling forward until one of Ren’s hands leaves Hux’s hip and wraps against his throat and forces him upright. Ren moves so fast, filling Hux in one long thrust that Hux is biting down on his bottom lip to try and muffle his cries. 

“Oh fuck,” Ren hisses, fingers flexing at Hux’s throat and his hip, holding him steady as he just rests inside him, feeling him like this for the first time. “Fuck -” 

For a long moment, Ren just stays there, buried in Hux and kissing his shoulder. It drives Hux mad, the feeling of being full and yet Ren still isn’t moving. But then he is - almost as quickly as he first pushed in, he’s moving his hips, dragging out and shoving in hard enough that Hux feels weak with it. 

“Haa- oh god… oh god…” Hux pants and tips his head back to feel Ren’s fingers spread over his throat, delirious at how possessive it feels, how secure it makes him feel. 

Ren’s thrusts are fast and hard again, the slap of skin on skin making Hux’s toes curl. The way his ass stings with every touch - the sensations of being fucked and of Ren touching him everywhere at once. Pushing into Hux, and whispering “I know how you feel.” 

Hux moans and Ren forces his hips back, making Hux take every inch as he grinds into him, “I feel the same way about you, I’ve never gotten this close to a client - I’ve never wanted someone like this before.” 

And maybe if he were more present, more critical of the moment he’d chalk it all up to being just the heat of it - they’re just fucking and you say stupid things when you’re aroused… but he's teetering between subspace and reality and the knife's edge of about-to-come. So all his brain registers is yes-yes-yes and that he wants this - he wants Ren. Ren, who is making him come, jerking him off as he starts moving his hips again and the way he breathes hot against Hux’s neck… Hux knows he’s close. 

“I need — I need you please — I need you, Ren-“ Hux is gasping as Ren’s fingers grow tight on his neck.

“Come for me,” Ren orders. 

Maybe it’s telling that Hux does as he’s told - that he’s never been able to for anyone else because that meant he would have to Trust them to let go enough to do that. He's still floating, still barely through the aftershocks when he feels Ren coming too. 

“Fuck… fuck fuck…” Hux whimpers, pulling his hands against his now completely ruined bow tie, caught in the moment but struggling with it - with needing some of the control back. Ren pulls the tie loose and Hux grabs him, nails digging and scraping as he reaches back and tries to hold Ren closer. Not willing to give it up just yet.

“Shh… I’m right here,” Ren hugs him, kissing along his jaw and biting a tiny bruise just under his throat. “Mine.” 

*****

The next morning, both of them are quiet as they pack their things. At first Hux is worried that Ren regrets it or that it was a mistake. But he holds his hand through TSA and when Hux pushes up their arm rests on the plane and turns to curl into Ren’s chest - Ren only pulls him closer. 

They don’t talk, but Ren strokes through Hux’s hair and noses close as if he’s going to protect him. From what? who knows but Hux doesn’t care. He feels safe there. He's opening himself up and allowing Ren in and letting him get comfortable in all the too tight spaces that Hux sometimes think he can barely inhabit himself. 

As he drifts off at cruising altitude, he thinks he hears a whispered ‘I’m fucked’ but that could be his own internal monologue. 

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on posting, I had about 7 days of 12+ hour shifts, and then 6 days of 24 hour (on duty and/or on call) assignment so I basically had time to do the bare minimum like ... take some Emergen C and cry in the coat closet. 
> 
> Also my best friend (who still lives in Orlando) and me (who moved up north from Orlando) are having A Time with the whole attack. Neither of us was there but it's a hit my friends, it's a real hard hit. I normally don't bring this kind of stuff up, especially in the chapter notes of my fics but like, being queer and writing about queer characters - this is a safe space, and so was that club. That was my family in a way and it was really personal to me. 
> 
> There are some great places online if you'd like to donate money or purchase merchandise where proceeds help the city and families... but honestly, I'd rather you take a minute and reach out to someone you know who is LGBTQIA+ and tell them you love them for exactly who they are. That you support them and care about them and want to be there for them. You didn't have to know any of the people there personally to feel attacked or hurt by this, it was your community too. 
> 
> To those of you reading who are LGBTQIA+ - _I_ love _you_ for exactly who you are and who you love and how you love. You're amazing and I support you and adore you.No one has the power to take that away from us, okay? You can always come annoy me on [tumblr](http://dead-on-arrivals.tumblr.com/) if you need to hear it again. 
> 
> If you'd like to do more and you're a US resident (and you better be of voting age or what the heck hell are you doing in this fic) then maybe you can take a moment to contact your US Senators to talk to them about gun control. About strict background checks, assault weapons bans etc. If you want more info or help coming up with a script for this let me know okay. Senator Organa would be proud of you. 
> 
> Otherwise though, take care of each other - love one another - hug somebody today and tell them they mean a lot to you. 
> 
> More chapters up soon. <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux finally manages to get some words out. Maybe the right words? Any words? A few words. And Ren gets hurt, which Hux isn't sure how to deal with. 
> 
>  
> 
> There's a briefly mentioned sex scene but it's not very in depth - mostly skimmed over so there's no tags for it.   
> Tags at the bottom about Ren's accident.

Technically Ren is off the clock as soon as they land, but their car share from the airport turns into Hux inviting him in to take a nap and by the time they wake up it’s noon and it seems like a silly idea for him to leave. 

That’s the line that Hux is feeding himself at any rate. 

It feels like they're both making a conscious effort not to bring up the day before, but the taboo hangs in the air and seems to insinuate itself into the nooks and crannies of the words they're not saying. Ren is perfect though. He helps Hux do laundry and tells him that he has to go home for Thanksgiving because his mom wants to do the whole family thing for the first time in five years. Something about an Uncle coming back from some weird meditation retreat. 

“Your family sounds amazing,” Hux says, smirking a little. 

Ren scoffs, “you don’t know them like I do… they’re insane."

“Well, we don’t do Thanksgiving so none of that in my life… thank God, it sounds awful.” Hux pauses and then adds, “aside from the food. I’m always up for stuffing.” 

The words are out of his mouth before he can stop himself and Ren gives him a shit-eating grin as Hux shakes his head. 

“Don’t-"

“I’ll stuff _you._ "

“God damn it.” 

Hux hits him with a folded pair of jeans and Ren just laughs and kisses him. It hurts a little, the way it settles so effortlessly onto his mouth and inches down into his chest. They watch tv and Ren spends a few hours working on a paper. It’s only strange because it’s so normal and it’s not something that Hux thought they would have... that they shouldn't be having.

On Sunday, Ren has to go to the library, but as he leaves, there’s a long, lingering kiss on the doorstep while they wait for the Uber. Hux is about to say something, anything, and Ren keeps touching him and starting to talk. But, all he does is open his mouth and then bite his lip or brush a soft kiss to Hux’s cheek... anything but reaching for what they’re avoiding. 

Hux feels so helpless and stupid. 

He gets charged later for 2 nights out of about 8 and he feels a strange roiling in his stomach that tells him he’s going to have to come up with a way to deal with how he feels sooner rather than later. 

*****

Not that it keeps him from practicing a high level of avoidance as part of that. He hides through Thanksgiving up at his beach house, alone this time. It’s cold but not snow-cold which is nice. All of the late season leaf-peeping tourists are officially gone, so the population has dwindled. The rooms are colder this go round, the winter light through the windows tinged ever-grey. 

Part of him wants to call someone. Anyone. Maybe Ren. Except... they haven’t exactly talked recently. When they got back from San Francisco, Ren had to get back to classes almost immediately. He’d said goodbye with a pained expression, “it’s getting close to finals.. I might not be around much and ...” and... and... it just hung there and said a lot more than whatever else he might have finished the sentence with. 

Hux had nodded, agreeing and hoping it was the truth - that it wasn’t just other people, that it was just them and this was normal and not … what it really was. 

There had been a few texts, Ren complaining about his work load and Hux complaining about meetings, but as soon as they got started on a subject one or the other would have to stop. Things that normally don't get in the way for normal couples got in the way for them. There wasn't a time to just meet up at the end of the day for dinner, or to go to sleep together at night. It wasn't fair and in a way was exactly what was expected. 

The house has a chill despite the fires that Hux keeps blazing in his most frequented rooms so Hux ducks into a closet looking for a sweater. What he finds on top of the pile of neatly stacked outerwear is Ren’s zip-up. He'd worn it the whole weekend he'd been up here, using it as a light weight talisman against the slight fall chill in the evenings and mornings. Hux had come to enjoy the way the zipper would bite against his skin whenever Ren touched him.

His fingers linger over the well-worn cotton and he feels the ghost in the room. 

“Christ…” Hux mutters, frowning and then despite himself, pulling it down and shrugging it on. There’s still faint hints of Ren's smell in the fabric, detergent or cologne or something and Hux pulls the hood up, turning his face into it. 

That’s how he ends up sleeping later too, his nose pressed into the side of the hood, as if Ren is still there. 

*****

Ren comes back from Thanksgiving and tells Hux that he wants to see him - in fact there are a few desperate late night texts where both of them want to meet but where circumstances are out of their control for various reasons. Just as their schedules align, Hux is being sent to New York to help close out a contract for his job. 

“I’ve done everything to get out of it…” Hux trails off, pacing around his apartment as he packs his suitcases. “They’re mental though - there’s not even much I’m good for unless the software goes completely to shit and then all I can do is sit around and re-code it until it works but I could do that from Siberia as long as I had a fucking wifi connection.” 

Ren is doing his best not to sound frustrated but Hux can still hear it in his voice, “do they even have wifi in Siberia?” 

“I mean, they could.” 

Ren sighs and Hux hears him shuffling some papers around in the background. 

“I can call you when I get back?” he offers. 

“Yeah… I should probably focus on finals more anyways… ugh fuck I cannot wait to be done with this.” 

“I have to finish packing but - I’ll text you from New York.” 

“I can’t stand that place - okay - okay talk soon.” 

“Bye.” 

Hux hangs up and has never quite cursed a business trip so much in his life. He’s sort of hoping there actually IS a crisis to justify tearing him away from what sounds like it had the potential to be the fuck of his life. It all feels like maybe this is the way it's supposed to be though. Maybe they haven't gotten together for a reason - surely they could've made it work if they'd bothered to put in the effort. Maybe this is some kind of strange blessing in disguise. 

It's a hideous thing to think, but it keeps him from going insane.

*****

The dramatics happen the night he gets back from New York. 

Just as he’s rifling through what needs to be cleaned and what to put away, his phone rings and it’s Ren. They had made cursory contact while Hux was away and before he boarded at JFK he shot off a text to let Ren know he was on his way back. It seemed polite but there hadn't been a reply waiting when he landed. He was prepared to leave it at that. But a call... 

“Hey - just got in - is everything alright?” 

“Are you home?” 

“Yeah - I was just unpacking…” Hux pauses in the middle of his apartment and feels how empty it is with a kind of strange intensity that he didn’t think he could feel. “Is-“ 

There’s a knock at the door and Hux _knows_. He hangs up the phone and half-slides across the wooden floors in his haste to get the door open. A mantra of _shit, shit, shit, shit, shit..._ running through his mind on repeat as all those emotions he had filed away the past month come shattering down around him. 

“Hi,” Ren says, pulling his suitcase across the threshold and then hastily abandoning it so that he can pick Hux up and kiss him, kicking the door shut. 

“Oh you — you have a suitcase,” Hux muffles, not quite willing to stop kissing Ren to figure out what’s going on. 

“I do - I have to leave in the morning to go home for Christmas-“ Ren whispers. 

Hux feels momentarily paralyzed - that this is goodbye and whatever they have doesn’t span vacation breaks and wherever he is going Hux isn’t invited. It doesn’t seem to dull the passion though - if anything, it seems more intense than usual. 

Ren carries him to the bedroom and when Hux starts to unzip the sweatshirt he has on, Ren stops him, yanking the ends together and giving Hux a soft look.

“Leave it on - leave it on I love seeing it on you.” 

He had forgotten it was Ren’s hoodie - the one that had been left at the beach house that Hux has been sleeping in on and off since Thanksgiving like a lovesick teenager. It’s damning evidence to be caught in but the way Ren looks at him makes it feel alright. 

Ren seems determined to wring him out and it works. He goes slow, making Hux come twice before he’s spilling inside him and staying buried there until he’s soft and slipping out. The kisses are slow and deep and Hux stops thinking - stops asking questions or wondering. When Ren is hard again and pushing back into him, Hux feels a kind of relief - raking his nails down Ren’s back and gasping when Ren leaves a constellation of bruises across his neck. 

They stay up all night, making out and having sex until Ren has to leave for the airport. The sun hasn’t come up yet and it’s freezing outside on the sidewalk - but Hux can’t stop tasting him - doesn’t want to stop feeling Ren’s hair between his fingers and those big arms all the way around him. 

“I’ll call…” Ren promises, zipping Hux into his sweatshirt and stealing another kiss before finally dragging himself away. 

“Alright.” 

Hux watches his car disappear around the corner and finally crawls back inside, turning the heat up a little more and crawling back into bed. He feels heavy and exhausted and not from lack of sleep. 

The sheets still feel warm and it taunts him. 

*****

When he wakes up again in the afternoon, there’s a small, gift wrapped box in the kitchen next to his kettle that he hadn’t seen before. 

_Don’t open until Christmas._

He considers opening it and then decides to wait. Maybe he’ll save it until Ren comes back from vacation. Which is a thought that sours in his mouth before he can even fully give voice to it for innumerable reasons.

*****

Jess taps the stylus on her iPad, giving Hux an annoyed look. 

"You do realize I can't go home for the holidays until you close this out." 

Hux looks up over his laptop and runs his hands through his hair. "I"m aware that things are keeping you from leaving and I regret that." 

"You know what was great?" Jess asks, leaning forward and putting her elbows on Hux's desk, "when you were getting laid regularly and I got to leave every day at 5:30 and we stopped caring about pulling overtime." 

"Yeah, same," Hux snaps back, not bothering to hide the irritation and the hurt in his voice. It takes Jess aback - she sits up straight and gives him a calculating look. He regrets it almost immediately because it's going to raise Questions. 

"Did he dump you?" 

"What? No - it's -- listen we've been busy a-" 

"No no no, we have _always_ been busy, but you made time for him - you used to tell me to go home so you could call him or text him or ... whatever..." 

"Okay well _he_ is busy and I'm killing time." 

She has this look on her face where she clearly doesn't buy what it is he's saying and he makes a face back at her that he thinks looks authoritative or something but which probably comes off like a dying fish. 

"It's.... complicated." 

Jess narrows her eyes and leans forward again, pushing her stylus into Hux's face, "I want to go home for the holidays and eat twelve fucking pies, and a whole turkey and when I come back from vacation - you better have this mess sorted out because I miss meeting my friends for drinks at 6 every day." 

Hux sputters but can't argue with her. He _does_ need to sort it out and get his shit together. Easier said than done though. 

"Why don't you go ahead and leave then," Hux sighs, slumping into his chair, "I can finish this up myself." 

"Normally I wouldn't ditch you but I have a flight to catch and you need to ..." she gestures vaguely at him and he nods. "Happy Holidays, General." 

"Happy Holidays Jess." 

*****

Ren keeps his word though. A few days before Christmas he calls and Hux picks up without hesitation. 

“Are you really not going home?” 

“It seemed kind of silly for such a short break - I’ll go visit in the spring or something when they aren’t as busy.” 

“I should’ve brought you with me then.” Hux can hear the smile in his voice and his heart jumps. It makes him nervous to be this attached to something as transient as this is. 

“I am far too quiet for your family - they’d probably seduce me to the dark side or something.” 

Ren snorts, “I’m fairly certain you’re already there without their help.” 

Hux sighs and leans back on the couch, “true enough.” 

“You haven’t opened your gift yet have you?” 

“What? Of course not! It said do not open until Christmas - I have _some_ self control.” 

“Questionable…” 

“But I didn’t get anything for you and I don’t know what to get you-“ 

“Don’t get anything… what I got is … sort of for both of us.” 

There’s something in his voice, some lingering note that makes Hux sit up and take notice - but it’s fleeting and he changes the subject so that it doesn’t have time to take up residence. 

“What are you doing tonight?” 

“Just about to go running.” 

“You cannot be serious,” Hux scrunches his face up and tries to remember the last time he went running. Oh - right - throwing up in some bushes along the esplanade. A FINE moment. 

“It’s nice out.” 

Hux pulls his phone away to check the temperature and scoffs, “It is 80 and humid in Miami - don’t _lie_ to me.” 

“That’s nice.” 

“You’re a sick man, Ren - a sick sick man.” 

Ren laughs and Hux can hear his voice change as he cradles the phone to his shoulder - he must be tying his shoes on. 

"I’ll text you when I get back from my run okay?” 

“Yeah. Yeah that’s - be safe or something,” Hux says with a note of sarcasm.

“I’ll keep an eye out.” 

“I still cannot believe the amount of shit-awful wildlife you have there.” 

“Caimans now too!” 

“That is not a comforting thought.” 

“Mm - miss you too, darling - kiss kiss,” Ren teases, pitching his voice funny and Hux barks a laugh. 

“Get fucked!” 

He hangs up and pulls his laptop out to check his email and maybe dick off on Facebook. Phasma is holding her annual Christmas party in London and Hux is so peeved he’s missing it. It’s honestly the only reason to return to the UK at the holidays. He wishes he could call her up and pick her brain. He still hasn't told her the truth - about Ren and what he is and what he does. He thinks that maybe telling someone makes it more tangible. If it's just his secret he can deal with it and make it disappear when he needs it to. Or something like that. 

He waits for that text though. For an hour. Then two. 

Hux: _Did you make it back?_

Then three. 

Hux: _Ren?_

Then four. 

Hux: _You must’ve passed out afterwards. Perils of humidity. I told you so._

And then it’s the next morning and all his messages show up as delivered… but none of them as read. 

Hux: _I’m a bit concerned. Were you eaten by a bear? I still can’t believe there are bears in Florida…_

By lunch, Hux feels torn by a sense of panic. He’s never been worried like this before - left wondering where someone is and not getting any reply. But there’s also some part of him that thinks maybe this is all a good idea. This isn’t exactly a relationship and ultimately if Ren is busy or not including him them Hux can’t really say anything. Maybe he just doesn’t feel like answering - and he’s allowed to do that because he doesn’t owe Hux. 

Hux just … has to keep reminding himself of that and trying not to let it get to him. 

****

Later that night he gets a call on his work cell. He thinks about not taking it but the extra work is a welcome distraction from the turmoil of his current emotions involving Ren not speaking to him. Was he too callous on their last call? He thought they were joking that they were playing around and having fun.. 

His phone chirps again and he picks up, trying to sound professional. 

“Hello?” 

“Is this… Brendol Hux?” 

The voice is female, tentative but with a subdued kind of authority that makes him immediately nervous - like he forgot something important. 

“This is he, how can I help you?” 

He pulls his laptop up, waiting to take notes or search his email for something related to the call, but everything just seems to stop short when she says: 

“I’m Leia, Leia Organa.” 

Hux freezes and then manages a weak sounding, “hello Senator.” 

“Leia is fine… Brendol, you were the last person my son was texting… his phone died shortly after he was admitted to the hospital and with the water damage I can’t quite get it to boot back up.” 

“Hospital?” Hux’s hands start shaking and he looks around his apartment as though this is a trick. 

“Yes… There was an accident with Ben - he's in the hospital.” 

Hux hears her talking, her voice so calm and collected, he doesn’t know how she’s managing - but the words are starting to white out and turn to static on the line. 

“—he’s going to be fine, just monitoring him for a few days. His cousin seems to think you must be important to him if he was texting you.“

“I - he’s important to _me_.” 

It’s the worst he’s ever felt, he’s fairly certain and with Leia still on the phone he runs into his bedroom and ferrets out a duffel bag from his closet and starts throwing clothes at it. 

“I understand that it’s Christmas … however…” 

Hux cuts her off with a shaky, “I’ll be right there.” 

He can hear the surprised intake of air and then she calmly says, “I’ll have a car meet you at the airport.” 

*****

It’s several hours later but he makes it. Apparently traveling last minute with the blessing of a US Senator is akin to having a golden ticket. When he got to the airport he had an email confirmation on his phone for first class and was rushed through TSA with cursory precautions that feel somehow illegal. 

But standing in the waiting room with Ren’s cousin, it's all worth it, albeit surreal. Rey is this fierce, tiny girl who looks like she could absolutely kill him with one arm tied behind her back. She’s been chatting him up ever since he was dropped off which would normally annoy him but this time it feels soothing. She’s also explained the accident in enough detail that Hux’s blood pressure might finally be dropping into an acceptable zone. 

“Aunt Leia is sorry she couldn’t meet you - she’s out getting dinner…” Rey comments and Hux marvels at how together they all are. He feels like a right mess. 

“How _did_ he get hit by a car?” Hux asks.

“Drunk driver. Obviously.” Rey is rolling her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest, “Aunt Leia is absolutely furious, of course, but she’s trying to keep the whole thing quiet because of Ben’s privacy.” 

“Christ. I can’t believe nothing was broken.” 

“Yeah - he got some pretty bad bruises and that cut on his face but it’s all pretty superficial.” 

“Unreal…” Hux scratches at his jaw where he belatedly realizes he's worked up a few days of stubble and Rey motions back to the hallway. 

“I can take you back now if you want to see him. No one else is in there.” 

“Thanks. Yeah.” 

Rey walks him back and then leaves him at the door with a quick hug. She looks like she might be about to say something but then just smiles at him and squeezes his arm. Hux watches her amble back towards the nurses station and then steps inside. 

He’s not a fan of hospitals. Ren is sleeping and Hux doesn’t want to wake him up so he pulls a chair quietly to the side of the bed and waits. At first it’s just him sitting quietly but then he feels weird just staring and folds an arm down on the bed and rests his head there and carefully slips a hand into Ren’s. 

He has every intention of just waiting but the long flight and the constant state of high alert he’s been in has worn him down. He doesn’t realize he’s fallen asleep until he’s waking up to Ren’s fingers threading through his hair. 

“Shit-“ 

“Did I wake you?” Ren asks, voice gravelly. 

Hux just looks up at him and really sees him for the first time. He’s got this ugly gash across his face accompanied by some truly awful bruising and he looks tired. 

“You…” Hux flounders for words and then slowly climbs up onto the bed, carefully maneuvering himself so as not to press or pinch any lines or tubes as Ren shuffles enough to accommodate him there with him. 

Ren searches his face asking, “How did you know I was here?” 

“Your mother called.” 

Ren’s eyebrows go up to his hairline. 

“Ask her about it later,” Hux says, sliding an arm over Ren’s stomach and then stopping and pulling back only to have Ren reach down and pull the arm back over. They’re quiet for a moment, Hux resting against Ren’s chest and thinking for a moment that he’s really glad everything is okay because it could have been the opposite. Just thinking about it makes him desperately uncomfortable.

“Did you come down here just because of the accident? I mean - I’m not.. I’m not any good to you like this,” Ren asks, voice quiet. 

The words tear at Hux and he pushes himself up to look down at Ren, a frown creasing his face as he stares at him. Maybe its up to him to try, to make an effort, to give up the ghost. Ren looks pensive and almost closed off. It’s not something Hux is used to seeing on him and it hurts in a way that other things haven’t. 

“Ren, you fucking idiot.” 

Without paying a whole lot of attention or mind to the current medical situation, Hux leans in and kisses Ren. It’s soft at first, he’s trying to be careful about the stitches down one side of Ren’s face but Ren reaches up and grabs him, deepening it without hesitation until Hux has to pull away and make it clear. If for no one else but himself. 

“I came here for you. Just for you.” 

Ren’s face softens and he reaches up to cup Hux’s cheek and briefly Hux wonders if this is about to go completely tits up. 

“You’re-“ 

“Better break it up - your mom is coming,” Rey says, shouldering the door open, and waggling her eyebrows at them. 

Ren’s hand drops and Hux shifts off the bed, trying to pretend that he wasn’t just pouring his heart out and about to do far worse. 

“Is she single, because I’ve got two people I can think of hooking her up with… seriously…” 

The look Ren gives him is priceless but there’s no time to discuss it as Leia comes in with a large messenger bag that smells suspiciously like cheeseburgers. 

“Aw mom - you smuggled for me,” Ren says, giving her a fake smile that makes her roll her eyes. 

“Don’t tell your father. Brendol, I got you Five Guys - I hope that’s fine.” 

“He only needs _one_ ,” Rey quips, earning her a raspy sounding laugh from Ren and a long suffering look from her aunt. 

Hux, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose just says, “that’s fine. Thank you, Senator.” 

*****

“A Christmas miracle,” Ren mutters as Hux climbs back into the bed with him after Leia and Rey leave. He’s doing the noble thing and taking over the last night of hospital duty so that the two of them can get back home and make some preparations for celebrating after Ren is discharged. 

“I am pretty fantastic,” Hux says, laying back into Ren’s shoulder and staring up at the nondescript ceiling. “For a place that encourages you to be on your back, they sure don’t give you much to look at it.” 

Ren smirks and Hux shuts his eyes whispering a “no.” 

“Same could be said about your bedroom but I don’t see you doing any interior decorating.” 

“I walked directly into it.” 

“You did,” Ren says with a soft laugh, reaching a hand up and stroking down Hux’s neck. 

A nurse comes in and starts to say something but then thinks better of it and instead just takes the vitals like she’s supposed to and administers a little pain medication that she says will make him drowsy. She leaves and then comes back a few minutes later with an extra blanket that she drapes carefully over Hux. 

“Just don’t detach any of his monitors,” she warns with a strict look. 

“Yes ma’am,” Hux says, giving her a little salute as she leaves. 

He thinks about bringing up their conversation earlier but in the spirit of Christmas he thinks better of the decision and just goes for a little peace. They dim the room lights and turn on the tv, finding the first rerun of “A Christmas Story” just starting. It’s not exactly what Hux had in mind for the holidays, but in some ways it’s better. Or will be. 

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter notes: 
> 
> The accident is not mentioned in detail!!! Ren is in the hospital after being hit while out running by a drunk driver. It's noted in passing. There's some time spent with him in the hospital but without a lot of detail. I wanted to work his face scar into the plot and this is how I got there. (Actually you can blame disbitch because she got to pick plot details in the next few chapters.) 
> 
> Let me know if any of the stuff is triggering and I'll tag! 
> 
>  
> 
> Side bar: 
> 
> Have I told you guys lately how amazing you are. Seriously, I have the best readers, it's insane to me. You guys are so kind, so enthusiastic, so perfect. Keep being wonderful.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren admits how he feels about Hux, for better or for worse.

Hux is invited to stay for Christmas and when he attempts to make a hotel reservation, Leia tsks at him and shuts the whole thing down. 

“No no, you’ll be staying with us.” 

Rey looks delighted in a perverse way which means she probably knows something that he doesn’t and Ren looks like he might be having a stroke at the idea. 

“Are you sure, I don’t mind - there’s several vacancies close by and-“

“Nonsense, you’re a guest of the family, Brendol.” 

“That’s very kind, and you’re positive it’s not an imposition?” 

Leia looks over at him and gives him a look that screams she’s disappointed that he even asked that question. He straightens up in his seat and tries to look alert. 

“You’ll stay with us.” 

Hux looks over at Ren who’s giving his mother a look that can only be described as manic. It’s probably something torn between terror and excitement but it really expresses on Ren’s face otherwise. 

The conversation in the car shifts to a number of topics like dinner and visiting family or friends who are excited to see Ren, who doesn’t seem as enthusiastic to see them. Hux manages a neutral expression throughout, though he can’t deny he’s intrigued by some of them. “Uncle Cee-Three” is possibly the strangest. 

When they arrive at the house, Hux keeps his awe in check - though he can’t deny he’s impressed. The waterfront home is just as grand as he’d expect from someone of Leia’s status, but still suitably Floridian. Palm Trees flank the drive way and the house is painted that subtle pink color that looks ridiculous anywhere else outside of South Beach. The shutters are white, the roof is mediterranean tile and Hux has to appreciate the number of Christmas lights that have been strategically and tastefully put over every appropriate inch of house. 

“I see you went all out,” Ren says, looking over the frames of his sunglasses out the tinted windows. 

“It’s Christmas, of course I did.” 

Ren clears his throat. 

“Fine. Your _father_ did. I just instructed him on exactly where everything should go.” 

“Glad to see the two of you getting along.” 

Leia rolls her eyes in exactly the same way as Ren does. 

“Is he here?” Ren asks, an edge to his voice as he feigns curiosity. 

“Not right this minute, but he’ll be around tonight for dinner and presents.” 

Hux watches the exchange carefully and notices the way both of them seem to get stiff and overly formal in the way they carry themselves when talking about Ren’s father. He makes note of it and isn’t sure if it’s something he can get away with bringing up later or if it’s going to be one of those no-man’s-land conversation topics that gets him murdered. 

There’s not much time to think about it. Just as they’re about to walk into the house, Ren leans over to Hux and mutters, “welcome to Skywalker Family Hell.” 

“Skywalker-“ Hux sputters, but there’s no explanation and he’s very suddenly being greeted at the door by an enthusiastic shaggy white dog that Ren calls R2. From there it all just seems to get more insane. 

There’s a very large man with a huge beard who shakes Hux’s hand so hard that Hux worries his carpal tunnel might flare up. He doesn’t say much, mostly communicates in grunts and a foreign language; or some kind of deeply accented English that all of them seem to understand - but which Hux finds completely indecipherable. He at least _seems_ friendly… well everyone seems friendly… Hux just tries to roll with all of it, shaking hands and enduring the ever-present awkward moment of introduction as everyone calls him Ren’s boyfriend. He feels like Ren’s boyfriend, but he also feels that strange hint of detachment like he’s acting his way through the entire thing. Honestly, the last time he’d gone through anything like this it had been with Finn’s family. 

Thanksgiving with them had been an exercise in playing through emotions he was sure he was supposed to have. ‘Hi-yes-I’m-so-excited-to-meet-you’ and a lot of ‘yes-Finn-is-the-best.’ More than one person had pulled him aside and asked when he was going to make an honest man out of Finn, and Hux had just blanked on the answer - trying to smile and grit out a ‘soon, of course’ before the feelings of murderous indignation could rise too far to the top. 

No one here seems at all intent on finding out anything about his relationship with Ren though. It’s just - oh, you belong to Ren, alright. It’s a weird sort of acceptance and Hux feels a pang of guilt at the thought that he’s misleading all of them in some way. Or it feels misleading… he knows where his own feelings reside but Ren… 

The look on his face must betray something because Leia gives him a funny look and he has to scramble to cover it, mouthing _’worried’_ and motioning to Ren with a shrug. She nods and moves on but Hux knows he’s not fooling her. 

But it turns out that no one is stabbed over dinner and nothing catches fire so it has to be considered some kind of a success. Hux ends up talking to Ren’s “Uncle Luke” who Ren neglected to mention was the famous Luke Skywalker of Skywalker Industries. Hux had wanted to intern with them when he lived in Silicon Valley but getting in the door was some next level ‘who-you-know’ shit that he just couldn’t manage to swing. He’d heard rumors that the CEO had some kind of melt down and left. It wasn't long after Hux had gotten into his PhD program and he'd just sort of given it up that he'd ever meet the guy. Life works in mysterious ways and all that bullshit.

Apparently that melt down was actually Luke’s extended stay in Tibet which he regales Hux with at length through the duration of dinner. The upside to this is that Hux manages not to get caught up in any of the other conversations, one of which seems to grow strained as it volleys back and forth between Leia, Ren, and Ren’s father, Han. 

When it's all over, Hux tries to volunteer to help with dishes, but is dragged out of the kitchen by Ren to go sit outside. Rey joins them for a little while, her and Ren telling Hux how this year’s dinner was a far cry more sane than last year’s. 

“I can’t tell if I’m relieved or offended,” Hux says, pulling his shoes off so he can dip his feet into the pool. 

“You should probably feel relieved,” Rey says, shaking her head, “it took forever to get the cranberry sauce off the wall.” 

Ren snorts, “remember our frantic search the next day to try and find a replacement crystal dish?” 

Rey laughs, “I still can’t believe he managed to talk that one guy in line out of it - seriously, the guy is holding it about to pay and Uncle Han is just like ‘you sure you want that?’” 

“He thinks he can talk his way out of everything… or I guess into anything,” Ren says, rolling his eyes. Hux sort of perversely enjoys the ways his parents are reflected in him. Not that he’ll say anything about it for fear of death or dismemberment, but now that he's met both of Ren's parents, the similarities are a grotesque delight.

“Yeah and that time it actually worked,” Rey splashes at Ren and drags her legs out of the water. “I’m going to go talk to Uncle Chewie about tomorrow - he said he would take us out on an airboat if we were interested.” 

Ren shudders, “not again. Not after last time.” 

Shrugging, Rey heads towards the house, “your loss!” 

Hux waits until he hears the door close before turning and giving Ren a curious look, “no air boating?” 

“Trust me when I say, it is not something you want to do with Uncle Chewie.” 

Hux nods and swishes his feet back and forth in the water, “you know… I still can’t quite believe you’re a Skywalker.” 

“Organa,” Ren says with a derisive grunt.

“Okay but your mother is technically a Skywalker by birth, she just took the name Organa you absolute _ass_ ” 

Ren laughs a little and Hux splashes water up his legs. 

“Hey!” 

“Don’t hey me…” Hux frowns and stops kicking his feet, looking over at Ren in the dim, blue light of the pool. The cut along the side of Ren’s face looks even more like a dark shadow from this angle and Hux finds he actually likes the way it slashes his profile. It adds some kind of distinction, and for as horrible as the whole situation is, Hux has a dark desire for Ren to keep it. 

“When we … when you were in the hospital…” Hux starts, but then trails off and stares down into the water. 

“Hm?”

“Before Rey came back with your mom, you were just about to say something to me. I can’t shake the feeling that it was important.” 

Ren stills and looks away from Hux - his face hidden and Hux worries this is probably a bad sign. This moment of silence stretches on and Hux folds his hands in his lap and tries to think of ways to dismiss himself to go home early or something. 

“We probably shouldn’t talk about it here,” Ren says, voice low. 

“Oh.” 

Hux swallows and feels the conversation has been put to a close. There’s this hint of finality in Ren’s tone and he feels untethered from the world very suddenly. 

Ren frowns and gives him a hard look that Hux feels like a physical stab of pain before he’s standing up, dripping water on Hux as he looms over him. 

“Come on,” he says, offering Hux a hand that Hux takes. Ren pulls him upright and leads him further away from the house. Hux thinks that maybe he’s being led off to be butchered - emotionally if not physically - but they just amble down a stone path into the shadows of a well-tended garden. It runs along the water front, providing a little privacy from passing boaters, but it's really a show-stealer. Hux smells the sickeningly sweet flowers that thrive in the climate here and their ticklish warmth feels like a mockery. 

Stepping sideways off the main path, Ren nudges Hux into a dark enclave of creeping vines that muffles their voices and hides them from sight. Ren pushes his hands down into his pockets as he looks Hux over. “I’m not sure how to tell you this,” Ren says, voice fragile. 

Hux, weary and too keyed up, slumps before saying, “just spit it out.” He’s an adult and can take whatever it is that Ren has to give. It might hurt, but honestly he’d rather have the truth than whatever he has now. 

With a sigh, Ren says, “You’re the only person I’ve been seeing.” 

It’s like everything around them stops and Hux searches Ren's face like this is a joke.

“Sorry, what?” 

“For ‘work' - you’re .. the only person I’ve been seeing.” 

“How-“ Hux fishes around in his tiny little brain for the details in what would make that viable but he doesn’t have to search much because Ren answers.

“I only see one person at a time,” Ren says quietly, “I don’t like being matched with multiple people at once, if someone wants to keep seeing me I stop seeing other people. It’s too stressful otherwise.” 

“That’s just dating for money,” Hux says, squinting like he can’t quite wrap his brain around it. 

“I know. That’s… probably why I make a kind of shitty escort if you think about it.” Ren runs a hand through his hair and looks aggrieved at himself. 

“When’s the last time you went on a date with someone and it wasn’t paid for?” 

Ren bites his lip and looks down at the paving stones underfoot. “Well there was San Francisco… the beach.. that night I came over when you drunk dialed me…the night I came over before leaving for Christmas holidays.” 

Hux has to turn away, wrapping his hands into the wooden slats of the trellis, gripping so hard he thinks he might be getting splinters. 

“I don’t get it you - is this why you only randomly billed me the past couple of trips?” he says, eyes closed as his head spins. 

“Yeah I just… I turned in the bare minimum and Maz kept asking me if I knew what I was doing and I … I did. I knew what I wanted.” 

Hux exhales to even his voice out as he asks, “In San Francisco?” 

“I charged you for the flights,” Ren says nervously, “I hate flying.” 

Hux’s breathing hitches and he’s worried that he might have a panic attack, “your Christmas gift - I didn’t open it yet - you said it was for both of us were you -” 

“It was the phone I used for escorting. I quit.” 

Hux’s heart feels like it stops in his chest. He doesn’t understand because if Ren is out then.. is this over? 

“I don’t .. I don’t understand -“ 

“I’m graduating soon and I wanted out.” Hux feels like ice water is slowly replacing blood in his veins and he couldn’t hate it more if he tried. Everything is slowing to a crawl and he is convinced this is what death feels like. 

“Wait if - if that was your escorting phone then...Then what number have I been texting this whole time?” 

“My personal cell.” 

Something about it makes Hux’s stomach flip. Was it real then? Were they creating something real the whole time? All those moments when he was sure they were just faking it or he was reading too far into the situation to his own detriment… it was real. 

“You gave me your personal phone number on our first night together.” 

“I just. You were my type and I wanted the chance to talk to you without someone else interfering and looking at our texts.” 

“I just don't get it-”

Ren makes a frustrated sound and grabs Hux, turning him around and crowding him up against the vines. 

“It’s two lives, Hux. I’m two different people all the time. One is just trying not to live in my mom’s shadow and pay for grad school and be independent and the other one is this… this person who wants nothing more than to live up to her expectations and be the good son.” Ren is intense and almost frantic as he speaks, hand wrapping against Hux’s arm to keep him from bolting - which shows how much he knows him. Because it’s all Hux feels like doing right then. 

“Which one have I been seeing the past five months?” Hux asks, voice shaking.

“The one who really sucks at being misleading and just,” Ren loosens his grip and Hux sags as Ren shifts closer, arm snaking around waist. “just wants to impress you.” 

Hux chokes out what could be a sob, but he buttons it down quickly, covering his mouth and hissing out, “You dick."

Ren scrubs a hand over his face and hugs Hux tighter to his chest, “I know.” 

“What does it mean then - all of this,” Hux demands softly. 

“It means I’m done… and I just want you.” 

It turns out that just because you’re doing things that say you’re in love, it doesn’t matter until you give voice to it. That apparently goes for any situation but maybe moreso in this one. Hux can’t breathe the same air as Ren without wanting him and all the in between moments strip him completely bare - he wants to tell Ren about _that_ , but this... this is enough.

*****

It’s possibly an understatement to say that he feels relief for the first time in his adult life, but it’s the most succinct measure of his emotional state. 

Hux manages to survive the holidays at Casa Skywalker without much more drama, though the trip is not without it’s hardships. Something about staying in a room adjacent to Leia is not exactly awful, but it definitely might contribute to why they leave to return to Boston before New Years Eve. 

Ren says they have plans but when they get back to Hux’s apartment, the plans seem to revolve around fucking Hux against the windows facing the city as fireworks go off in the harbor. Other buildings obscure the view, but the soft play of colored light into the apartment as Ren pushes into him is breathtaking. 

There are still some things they have to work out though. Things that confessions in dimly lit gardens don’t cover. At the top of that list is the fact that Ren has to finish school. It’s his last semester before graduation and Hux has some concerns about his living situation. It turns out he has a few roommates who are maybe less than good influences and the reason he spends so much time out is because he can never get any studying done at home. 

“But you study constantly,” Hux points out, setting out their take away on the dining room table where Ren is currently spread out with his books. 

“I’ve been holing up at BPL or empty classrooms at school,” he admits, pulling over his crispy pad thai. 

“That doesn’t seem conducive to learning - having to haul yourself around to wherever’s open when you need it…” Hux frowns and sits opposite Ren, looking at the way he fits so seamlessly into his life. 

It gets the wheels turning and a couple of weeks later Ren is over writing a paper. It’s late and Hux is laying on the couch watching bad television and it just sort of slips out. 

“You could just move in.” 

Hux hears the typing across the room come to a halt and he feels like he has to explain. 

“I’m closer to Harvard and gone half the time anyways, you’d almost have the place to yourself.” Hux rolls so he can look over the back of the couch at Ren, “think about it.” 

Ren just stares at him, and Hux feels awkward and uncertain but covers it up by flopping down into the cushions again and turning the tv up to a volume that makes it harder to think. 

*****

A week later, Ren comes over with a rolling suitcase and a couple of smaller carry on type bags. 

“Oh - are you heading home for something? Is everyone alright?” Hux asks, answering the door in his pajamas and looking concerned. He hadn’t heard Ren mention taking off so if he’s leaving then it must be some kind of emergency. 

“No, just coming over to stay,” Ren says, tugging his things in and dropping them by the door. 

Hux looks at him then the bags and frowns, “that’s more than you usually bring, is everything okay?” 

“Well I’m staying longer than I usually do,” Ren smirks a little and Hux finally gets it, like a slow moving practical joke. 

“I see,” he says, trying not to let it show that he’s been played so easily, and that he’s incredibly pleased with this outcome. “You know, you could do this in a less dramatic way.” 

“Mm, I could, but where’s the entertainment value in that.” 

Hux rolls his eyes and gives Ren a withering look as he walks to the kitchen to finish working on his belated lunch, “I hope you don’t plan to just leave those bags by the door - there’s some empty closet and drawer space for you in the bedroom.” 

“That’s all I get?” Ren asks, shouldering one of his bags and giving Hux what can only be described as a pouty look. 

“You showed up unannounced on my doorstep seeking long term refuge, Ren - what did you expect.” 

Ren smiles because he’s probably wise to what Hux is doing and he goes to make himself at home in Ren’s storage spaces. 

Hux isn’t sure if Ren is yet aware that he occupies much more tangible emotional space as well - but there’s always time to talk about that later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Also, come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://dead-on-arrivals.tumblr.com/), I'm lonely.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the lengthy delay. It turns out that I am but one person and trying to move, write a fanfic, and finish cosplay at the same time as traveling, working, and starting grad school was MAYBE one too many things on the "to-do" list. YEESH. 
> 
> This chapter sees the return of Leia, Phasma (in the FLESH), Jess, and a roaring grad party. Sort of. 
> 
> And you find out what all that hard work in school paid off for. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to do the warnings up front: 
> 
> we've got alcohol usage, unprotected rough sex, i think there were drug mentions, but overall not terrible. If you see something, say something.
> 
> also if any of you watched The Almighty Johnsons there's a easter egg somewhere in there just for y'all. (Or if you're Kelly it was from my going away party and my thighs are STILL open.)

Hux ends up sitting with Leia during the graduation ceremony, which is a mixed blessing. She has amazing security and they get great seats but also everyone is staring at him and he’s about 90% sure there are paparazzi there that just got his photo with her. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind he’s thinking about Poe seeing it somewhere on the news and he can’t help the little smirk. 

“What are you so cheerful about?” she asks. 

“Nothing, just thinking about the party later.” 

Leia smiles and pats his arm, “you’re a shit liar, you know that?” 

“Senator, such language…” Hux replies, acting scandalized. Though admittedly he’s getting used to her abrasive and often times crude humor. He had forgotten about her military career prior to her time in the Senate and honestly, he respects the hell out of her even if she does still manage to scare the shit out of him regularly. 

In a retrospective kind of way, the whole family isn’t completely crazy. Well, they _are_ crazy, but they’re Hux’s kind of crazy so he doesn’t so much notice the insanity since he’s currently at the center of it. It’s been a little strange to get swept up into their whole existence, but he’s enjoying it in a weird way. His family life was never like this and being suddenly involved in the kind of drama generated by a home life that plays out like a television sitcom has it’s perks. He’s never bored, that’s for fucking sure. 

Besides, he gets to embarrass Ren on a regular basis and that definitely makes the whole thing worth it. 

This is probably half the reason he offered to throw the graduation party - the occasion to completely humiliate Ren was too good to pass up. Phasma has been at the beach house all day putting out decorations and ordering the caterers around. There are party hats involved, Ren _hates_ party hats and Hux cannot wait to snap one on his head. 

It’s a whole lot of ridiculous pageantry, which he knows Ren isn’t at all interested in, but Hux is incredibly proud and maybe enjoys seeing Ren flustered as they beam at him from the audience. He looks distinguished up there - and Hux smirks to himself. 

“Try and look less evil, sweetheart,” Leia says. 

“It’s my default state.” 

She grunts and shakes her head and they both sit back to listen to the parade of speakers and their well wishes. 

It’s a good day. 

*****

They stand around for requisite pictures after the whole ceremony is finished, Leia makes sure to get pictures of the two of them together despite Ren complaining that it’s hot and he is sick of wearing robes. 

“I’m not a wizard, this is bullshit,” is definitely uttered at some point in the proceedings. 

Jess meets them in the parking lot leaning casually against one of two black cars. 

“Senator Organa,” Jess holds out a hand and takes her purse, “I’ll be taking you up to the beach house.” 

“Oh isn’t that fancy…” she turns and gives Hux a look, “I take it you did all this?” 

“Well, I didn’t want to make you work too hard - it is your son’s graduation.” 

Leia looks him up and down and shakes her head, “you’re up to something - but I’m going to let it slide.” 

“M’lady,” Jess teases, opening the car door for Leia and giggling when Leia imperiously slides into the back and across the bench seat so that Jess can crawl in after her. 

“We’ll see you boys later then,” Jess comments with a wink, shutting the door and indicating to the driver that they can depart. 

Ren watches the car go before turning to Hux and then motioning to the second vehicle. “I take it that’s for us?” 

“I mean we can always call your mom’s car back and ride up with her if you wanted but I thought we might stop for celebratory drinks first.” 

“No no, not necessary, drinks are good,” he yanks his graduation cap off and gives it a dirty look, “I cannot believe they charge a thousand dollars for this shit.” 

Hux just laughs and grabs the car door, waiting for Ren to climb in, fumbling over the robes along the way with a muffled growl. 

“Honestly, I think they make you look very authoritative,” Hux says, settling in next to him. 

“Figures you’d be into the clergy,” Ren mutters. 

Hux snorts and pats his thigh, “oh is this role-play now? Mm father forgive me-“

“NO.” 

****

Hux schedules it so that he and Ren arrive after everyone else so that when they walk in, it’s to the sound of party horns and shouts of congratulations. Ren, who was against the idea of a big celebration seems almost annoyed at the attention, but he accepts it graciously enough. Well, he doesn’t immediately threaten anyone’s life so that’s definitely a plus. 

“Get in there, _doctor_ ,” Hux says with a smirk, pushing Ren through the door where Leia accosts him with a party hat. Hux is _delighted_. 

It has everything. Great food, great liquor, a great cake… Hux is pretty proud of it. People are milling around, no one is fighting (thanks in large part to the alcohol), and there have been zero incidences that might lead to the police being phoned. 

“Success,” he mutters to himself, sipping more champagne as Phasma shuffles up to him and clinks her glass to his. 

“Excellent work all around,” she says, settling her back to the kitchen island as she gives the party a considering look. “It’s not quite the rager that our last party in San Francisco was, but honestly, nothing makes people celebrate like a divorce.” 

Hux reaches a hand up and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Christ, that party….” 

“Did you know that I spent $2,000 just on the champagne?” 

“Was that all?” Hux gives her a sideways glance and she snorts. 

“Do you remember any of it?” 

“Wellllll, I recall that the house was completely empty save for decorations and rentals … and liquor. But somewhere around the time that I climbed onto the bar and let that guy - what was his name?” 

“Darling, please I can’t remember - I was just as shit faced as you were.” 

“He was doing body shots off my stomach and that’s roughly the last thing I remember.” 

She chuckles, “the lap dance?”

“Zero memory.” 

“Do you remember when you started speaking in French? Only French.” 

“Nope.” 

"What about the coke?" 

"Was there coke?" 

She laughs and downs the rest of her glass and reaches over the counter to grab a bottle of tequila and a plate of limes. 

“Grab the salt, we’re going to spice things up a bit.” 

Hux rubs his hands together and grabs the shaker just in time to hear Phasma yell from he other room. “SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!” 

Which is literally all it takes for about ten other people to start chanting it with her. This whole group - ridiculous enablers and sheep prone to following the flock. However, Hux does admit that he’s shocked when they get Leia to take a shot - to much cheering by the whole room, including her husband (ex husband? life partner? … whatever that guy is.). She doesn’t even flinch and Hux looks momentarily shocked by this revelation that perhaps the Senator has a Past (tm). 

“Don’t look so shocked, Brendol.” 

“You’re full of surprises, Senator,” Hux says, raising the salt shaker towards her with a wink. 

She waves him away imperiously and he briefly thinks that she’d make really amazing royalty. 

Hux ends up sitting in a corner and talking to Phasma about life and shit. Or whatever life and shit is after a lot of vodka. The party is winding down into people chatting in various quiet nooks and crannies. Some people are loudly dancing and singing in the kitchen and Hux just laughs as Ren stumbles into him. 

“Hello,” Ren says, giving Hux a slow up and down. 

“Hello to y— is that— did someone write on your forehead in sharpie?” 

“Yes - Rey did,” Ren is laughing as he says it and sidles up to Hux for a kiss. 

“Did she write ‘I AM A COCK!’ on you?” 

“Probably,” Ren says, mouthing against Hux’s throat as Phasma watches with interest. “My forehead is taken, but if you want to write something on me, both my legs are open.” 

Hux exhales very slowly and looks Ren up and down, “that’s a very intriguing offer.” 

“Yeah it is, and it’s always on the table…” Ren presses on Hux’s thighs, big hands sliding from his knees upwards and Hux just raises an eyebrow and Phasma is smirking at him from a few feet away. 

He tries not to look incredibly smug but it’s difficult when Ren is trying to climb on his lap and get his hands up Hux’s shirt. 

“I have a little surprise for you,” Hux whispers, voice low against Ren’s ear. 

“When can I have it?” Ren asks. 

“Right now, if you want.” 

Ren slowly peels himself away and stands up, giving Hux a slow once over and then holding his hand out to help him up. 

“Have fun, children,” Phasma says with a cheeky wave. Hux makes sure to flip her off behind his back as he pulls Ren into the closest bathroom, flipping the lock behind them. 

“What’s this surprise,” Ren asks, backing Hux up against the door. 

Hux just smiles up at him, a little tipsy as he drags his hands down Ren’s chest and pulls his belt loose, “I snuck upstairs earlier so I could finger myself open for you.” 

Ren puts his hands against the door on either side of Hux’s head before leaning in closer and breathing out slowly. Hux has come to realize that’s his way of trying to calm himself down - which is kind of an ego boost. 

“You mean I can just pull those shorts off of you and thrust right in?” 

“Mm, mmhmm,” Hux hums, his deft fingers slipping the button out of Ren’s fly and then working the zipper down after. 

“Christ - I can’t … I can’t believe you,” Ren huffs, ducking his head so he can kiss into Hux’s throat, “I’m so - fuck I want you right now.” 

“Good, that was the point,” Hux sasses, reaching in to slowly jerk Ren off, letting him fill out against his palm. Ren is sucking at his neck, his hands wandering all over Hux’s body until he can reach his shorts - and then they’re being yanked off - shoved to the floor in a hurry as the desperation takes over. 

They’re fumbling, clothes hitting the ground, hands everywhere at once until Hux is naked from the waist down and Ren is fully clothed and hanging out of his pants in a fairly obscene way. 

Ren picks him up against the door and groans, “I can’t believe you fucking stretched yourself. How long have you been waiting for me, wet and open?” 

Hux laughs, running his fingers through Ren’s hair, “only an hour or so … I slipped upstairs and did it when everyone was having cake.” 

“Fuck,” Ren breathes against Hux’s throat, fingers curling around pale thighs as his cock slips against Hux’s wet, stretched rim. “Can I?” he asks, teeth scraping at a sliver of exposed skin. 

“Yeah - do it, fuck me,” Hux pants. 

It’s of course absolutely filthy and too fast - Ren shoves in, and despite Hux’s earlier preparation, it’s a tight fit and he knows he’s going to be too sore to sit down in the morning. Which, if he’s honest, was rather the point of the endeavor. 

“Yes,” Ren hisses, fingers digging in to Hux’s thighs as he rocks up into him, making the door creak against the hinges. 

“Hurry - hurry we can’t be missing too long,” Hux whispers, voice low as he breathes the words out against Ren’s neck, wrapping his legs around Ren’s waist. 

“It’s my party - I can do whatever I want,” Ren smirks and Hux scratches at his shoulders and Ren doesn’t deny him. He starts moving, fast and rough, sloppy as he just tries to bury himself inside Hux to get the friction he needs to get off. 

“That’s it,” Hux pants, their foreheads pressed together as he holds the back of Ren’s neck. “Use me - hurry, I wanna feel you come inside me.” 

“Fuck— fuck Hux,” Ren groans, slowing down to grind up into him, slow and deep before he’s speeding up again, the pace ruthless. He’s close almost too fast - probably from the alcohol - and he hisses, “touch yourself.” Hux just laughs, shaking his head and moaning, just getting off on and enjoying the feel of Ren inside him. 

“I don’t want to come - I want to wait, until after the party.” 

Ren growls this time, slamming up into him and Hux thinks he says ‘have it your way’ and then he’s coming. The door rattles as Ren’s hips jerks, his cock twitching as it spills inside Hux and that son of a bitch even pulls out early, letting come get all over Hux’s ass and his thighs. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Hux grimaces and Ren just laughs, purposely grinding against Hux so that he smears it around making an ungodly mess. 

“It was _my_ surprise,” Ren says, setting Hux down and reaching for a rag on the edge of the sink so he can clean them both up. 

“Yes I realize that,” Hux rolls his eyes and snatches the rag away from Ren, trying not to look too smug at how quickly he could make Ren lose control. It’s heady and he wants more - grabbing the front of Ren’s shirt to drag him close for a kiss, forcing their mouths together until Ren is planting his hands on the door for stability. 

“Keep that up and we won’t make it back out to the party,” Ren pants. 

“Mm no we’re going back to the party - I want to see you walk around and know I’m waiting for you.” 

Ren raises an eyebrow and Hux trails his fingers over Ren’s throat, down his chest, “I want you to think about how wet I am-" 

“Jesus fuck...“ 

“-and how much I want you.” 

Ren is breathing hard and Hux knows if he reaches down, he’ll already have the physical evidence of Ren’s compliance in his hand but he bypasses it and slips out of Ren’s arms to pull his pants back on. 

It’s the way Ren watches him that makes Hux heat up, like he’s torn between obedience and the desire to control and Hux loves having him pulled apart that way. 

“I’m going back to the party - I hope you enjoy the rest of the festivities.”

“Hux-“ Ren’s voice is ragged and Hux gives him a benevolent look. 

“Be a good boy, Ren.” 

It’s a devastating come back that has Ren hanging his head and gripping the edge of the sink to concentrate. Hux pats his shoulder and slinks back out to the party as though nothing is amiss. 

But he doesn’t cover the hickey on his neck, something that Phasma high fives him for with enough force to make him almost stumble. 

****

Later, when the sun is threatening to rise, Hux rides Ren in bed, slow and sure. He muffles the sounds he makes with the back of his hand and Ren leaves bruises on his hips that look livid in contrast to Hux’s pale skin. 

****

The excitement of graduation dies down and Hux is grateful for the reprieve. There are no finals, no parties to plan, no guests to host. If he never has to walk the Freedom Trail again it will be too soon and he’s actually sort of settling in to having Ren around full time. He’s taking the summer to do that whole post-graduation self reflection thing. Hux occasionally jokes with him about getting a job or paying some bills but to be honest he sort of enjoys coming home and finding him there, stretched out on the couch watching Parks and Rec or occasionally in the kitchen with one of those meal-delivery boxes. 

It’s domestic and strange but still perfect for it’s abnormalities and difficulties. He didn’t think they would be like this, but they are, and it’s just right. 

There’s a Sunday where it’s hot and the A/C has been on all day but it still feels this side of too-warm. The sun has baked the heat into the building and Hux hasn’t managed to do anything with his day except lay there and think about how many showers he can get away with taking in a single day. 

But as it gets dark, it starts to become bearable and Ren has just indicated that he’s finished with whatever projects he’s been working on by clicking his laptop shut. 

Hux is puttering in the kitchen, fighting a cold bottle of wine open when Ren says, “I have a surprise for you.” 

“Alright, hit me,” Hux calls, fussing around for a couple of clean glasses. 

“I’m running for office.” 

Hux freezes and looks up and catches Ren’s eye. “You… what?” 

“I’m running for the Senate - I was waiting to hear back about opposition but my toughest competition is ending a bid for re-election.” 

“Isn’t - wait are you running for the Senate _here_?” 

“Yeah of course - it’s not like I could run against my mom in Florida…besides, I have residency here.” 

“I… I mean I’ll obviously vote for you,” Hux says, shocked and unsure how he’s supposed to react. He’s terrified - of the things people might find or say about Ren during the election cycle, but the thought of being at the center of all the power makes Hux’s breathing stilt and shudder through his chest. 

“I’d hope so, but will you still date me?” Ren asks, propping his chin on one hand. 

“Of course… you being a potential senator doesn’t stop how I feel,” Hux shrugs and tries to act nonchalant but he’s aching for the thought of bigger things. 

“It’s not just about me though - are you okay with it? I’m doing it for us.” 

Hux comes around to the table and stands there giving Ren a curious look, “for us?” 

“You said you wanted power, money and nice vacations… I think this hits all the bases.” Ren smirks at him, leaning back in his chair and stretching his arms over his head making an expansive gesture. “Do you know anyone who might want to run a campaign?” 

Hux stands in the middle of their apartment, holding a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses balanced in the other and thinks that this must be what ruling the world feels like. 

It’s better than being in love.

“I know just who to call.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this absolute monstrosity. I'm so glad that what started as a little gift to my best friend inspired so many comments, kudos, and notes over on tumblr. It's been a fucking blast getting to join in this fandom and contribute and while I do have plans for further parts of this fic I'm not sure exactly how I want to lay them out yet! (idk if I'll do multi chapter again or if I'll just fill in a bunch of interconnected one shots :D) but I definitely had plans for more. 
> 
> Please come drop me headcanons at [Tumblr](http://dead-on-arrivals.tumblr.com/), or just message me to be like BITCH WHAT IS UP, IS IT LIT FAM?! 
> 
> I occasionally throw stuff up related to the cassadaga verse but I'll try to be better now that i'm not AS busy. 
> 
> gosh thanks you guys - you've been amazing. I have the most incredible readers and I thank you all so so so so much.


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